Tuesday, November 28, 2006
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Two
MY MOTHER
My words can only reach you within you
My world is within you when I see you
My memories of you is your memories of me
I am Mother to all of you
And I am Mother forever for all you.
By Salmah Bte Eusope (My Loving Mother)
My mother Salmah and her younger sister, Haslinah, were given away to a Malay-Javanese childless couple during the Japanese Occupation of Singapore. They were send away by their own biological Chinese mother for their own safety to be secured because the Japanese were very cruel towards the Chinese. My aunty was only an infant and my mother was about seven years old when they were adopted by the Malay-Javanese couple during World War Two. My maternal Foster Grandparents, Eusope and Zainab, adopted them. They were raised as Muslims and they were educated in the 'Madrasah' (Convent) Muslim's School. They were educated in Islamic religion and the Malay's traditions and customs. They were not returned to their own biological Chinese family after the war ended for reasons that I do not really know for sure. I suspected that my mother was so angry with her own biological Chinese mother for sending her away and that caused her to look at her own mother like some else.
When I was only a little boy, my maternal biological Chinese Grandmother came to visit us and stayed with us for a few days, I remembered my mother told me not get closed to her mother. Later when she passed away, we were not allowed to attend our maternal biological Chinese Grandmother's funeral too. I do not know why but i thought maybe we were Muslims and it was not right for Muslims to be involved in the Chinese funeral rites. I did not question my mother so much about my biological Chinese Grandmother or about my biological Chinese Grandfather. I thought about it sometimes and I regretted for not asking her back then. Maybe I was so young back then to realise that all this information was important for my future generation to know their family roots. My own father is not so sure about my maternal biological Chinese Grandfather and Grandmother backgrounds or histories and my maternal biological Chinese aunties are not in contact with my father anymore after my mother's death on the 23rd June 1994 of a heart attack. She passed away at the age of fifty-nine years old. All I know now is my Chinese Surname is Tan.
My mother was a very hardworking woman and wife. She worked hard for her family and she also loved to cook various dishes for her family. She was a superb cook. She sold foods at the various food stalls while I was young and she loved to sell foods to her customers at a very low price and that made her customers very happy to eat at her stall not only because it was cheap, but her dishes tasted delicious too. She believed in working hard for money and when she had enough money, she would usually buy somethings for the family and provided cash for her family. She loved her family very much. My father's wage as a conveyancing clerk was not sufficient for nine mouths so my mother had to work too in order to help with the family income. I used to ask my mother for cash and she usually would remind me, 'Money is very difficult to find and do not behave as though we are rich.' Then she would grumble at me but she would still give me whatever money that I needed for myself. I was a pampered son and after her death, I reminiscent her love and commitment to our family. I remembered her saying to me oftenly, 'You will realised the difficulties after I am gone.' That was her usual phrased to me and I know the difficulties I faced after her demised. She was a woman who would try her very best to do things for her family with compassion and love regardless of her own health being deteriorated by long hours of hard worked. She is one mother I wish to have and to love forever and ever. Her loves still remain deep in my heart and I am very sure my other siblings feel this way too.
My mother was a woman who had the abilities to converse with the 'Djinns' or Spirit People, which most Moslems believed they existed unequivocally because it is stated the Holy Qur'an. She would be in a state of unconsciousness when this happened. Many people came to see her for help when they were ill or when they were being disturbed and tormented by unseen Spirits. This was the time when we were staying at the kampung and those who came to see her were all people who knew about her abilities of spiritual healing for those who were unwell with inexplicable sickness. The mother of mine did not go around telling people about her ability and she would not become involved unless it was necessary. Most of our kampung neighbours knew about her special abilities and she would not disclose to them about her spiritual healings that were rendered to those people who came to see her for that treatment. It was strictly confidential and my father would assist her while she was in a state of different personalities. My mother was not a person who earned a living by practicing spiritual healing that was only her small contribution to help others who really needed her help. Once my father told me that she was able to heal an individual who was suffering from mental illness and that healing was the talked of the kampung people.
My intention of writing about my mother is to make you understand the ways of many old generations' belief pertinent to spiritual healing because most of them believed in it just like their forefathers did. You must understand that the past generation people did not possessed high education, especially, the western academic knowledge and most of them believed strongly in the old ways of spiritual treatment. Those genuine spiritual healers who possessed this special ability usually do not like to make their gifted ability as a livelihood.
My father once told me that he had brought my mother to see a doctor pertaining to her sporadic fainting and unconsciously transformed into many different personalities. The physician diagnosed my mother's illness as madness but my father knew it was untrue and we her children knew it was also untrue. Those who knew her would tell you likewise. She had no problems with her social life, she behaved like any ordinary people and she could concentrate on whatever she was doing but those who did not know about her special abilities would think that she was suffering from mental illness or multi-split personalities. Maybe she was suffering from manic depression or mood swing that caused her to behave and perform such abilities would be more logical for physicians to conclude the state of my mother's psychosomatic characteristics. I must write according to what I know about my mother so that you would consider all the elements involved before you conclude your judgement upon her. I must let you know too that once upon a time while my mother was in the roofless bathroom of our kampung house, a large cobra fell on top of her head and probably that would have triggered some shocks and traumas that caused her to be like what she was. Probably after my younger sister's death, she was suffering from depression and guilty conscience for my father had actually blamed her for her ignorance and negligence. That would probably make more sensed for those of you who could not understand my mother's state of mental health and her special gifts to become someone else while she was in altered state of consciousness.
I knew my mother was unhappy about her marriaged with my father because most of the times they lacked of funds while having many children to feed. My father and mother always quarrelled and in the past my father had bad tempers too. He changed his behaviours after some of his children grew up into young adults. Many times my mother had told me, "I stay married to your father because of my children and it I do not think about all of you, I would have had left your father a long time ago." My father was a very hot-tempered man when he was younger. My second elder brother was tied up to a pole for being too mischievous in his conduct. My second elder brother was very physical and aggressived too in the past but he changed after he got married. In the past when each time my first elder sister came home late at night, my father would beat her up and sometimes he would bring out the 'parang' or hatchet and had threatened to kill her. He felt ashamed of my sister's behaviours for in the eyes of the kampung people at that time, a young who came home late at night was a bad girl. When this happened, the neighbours would drop by to stop the bad incidence from getting worst and they gave advised to my parents and my sister.
I had witnessed all these incidences throughout my childhood days until my age was around twelve years old. Then my father completely stopped beating my first elder sister when she returned home late. I realised that all the bad incidences that I had witnessed might somehow affected my intellect and behaviours as a grown up man now but I realised it is not good to be angry in front of the children or with the children. Beating them harshly or arguing and quarrelling with other people with violent actions or with abusive languages is not good for anybody. It will not help to solve any problems that I encounter and it will only make the matters worse. Usually when I faced with these kind of incidences I would just remain quiet and think about it quietly and calm myself before I handle the situations. In the olden days, many of us were disciplined with beatings by our own parents because they themselves were disciplined in the same manner by their own parents too. Sometimes it was child abused but many of them regarded their actions as disciplinary punishments and in the past my father had belted me too for being naughty or stupid. Time has changed all that inhumane punishments but when you read the newspapers today you could still see many irresponsible parents who had accidentally killed their children for being too angry with their children. I met many inmates who served their sentence in prison for being unable to control their raged with their children or wives or parents or siblings or colleagues or girlfriends. At the end they were the one whom should be bleached for causing hurts to others.
My mother had suffered a heart probleM at middle age and once a physician had told my father that his wife had approximately about six months to live when she was warded in the intensive care unit at the general hospital. The doctor's prediction did not come true and my father was very happy with my mother's life longevity and will to live. My mother was warded in the intensive care unit at the general hospital many times and each time she when recovered temporarily from her illness, we all felt very happy and very relieved. However, in the late afternoon of 23rd June 1994, she was struck by heart attacked while buying foods for her family at Haig Road Food Centre and she did not survived the heart attacked. Upon arrival at the hospital she was pronounced dead by the doctor. My father and siblings did not know about it until somebody informed them about the unfortunate incident late in the evening. All of them were busy with their work. I was living as a fugitive in Bali when that incident occurred. Later I got to know that somehow another on that same particular day, approximately at the same time when my mother had a heart attacked, I had taken out the photographs of my parents from the drawer and I had pin-pointed to my second wife, Sari, and I had mentioned to her that something bad had happened to my mother. Tears were forming in my eyes but Sari and I took it that I was probably being too emotional for nothing because earlier on that same particular day we had a slight misunderstanding. I did not call my family in Singapore because I thought that maybe I was being ridiculous and I had overeacted with my intuition. When I called my family two days later, I received the bad news and I had missed her funeral. I would not be able to return home too because I was a wanted man and a fugitive on the run. That was the time I started to look at life and I was wondering about the state of my mother's soul in the unseen realm and I began to read the Holy Qur'an to ease my pain and regrets within my heart. That was a long time ago but it still puzzled me so much about the intuitions that I had received pertaining to my mother's passing away.
My words can only reach you within you
My world is within you when I see you
My memories of you is your memories of me
I am Mother to all of you
And I am Mother forever for all you.
By Salmah Bte Eusope (My Loving Mother)
My mother Salmah and her younger sister, Haslinah, were given away to a Malay-Javanese childless couple during the Japanese Occupation of Singapore. They were send away by their own biological Chinese mother for their own safety to be secured because the Japanese were very cruel towards the Chinese. My aunty was only an infant and my mother was about seven years old when they were adopted by the Malay-Javanese couple during World War Two. My maternal Foster Grandparents, Eusope and Zainab, adopted them. They were raised as Muslims and they were educated in the 'Madrasah' (Convent) Muslim's School. They were educated in Islamic religion and the Malay's traditions and customs. They were not returned to their own biological Chinese family after the war ended for reasons that I do not really know for sure. I suspected that my mother was so angry with her own biological Chinese mother for sending her away and that caused her to look at her own mother like some else.
When I was only a little boy, my maternal biological Chinese Grandmother came to visit us and stayed with us for a few days, I remembered my mother told me not get closed to her mother. Later when she passed away, we were not allowed to attend our maternal biological Chinese Grandmother's funeral too. I do not know why but i thought maybe we were Muslims and it was not right for Muslims to be involved in the Chinese funeral rites. I did not question my mother so much about my biological Chinese Grandmother or about my biological Chinese Grandfather. I thought about it sometimes and I regretted for not asking her back then. Maybe I was so young back then to realise that all this information was important for my future generation to know their family roots. My own father is not so sure about my maternal biological Chinese Grandfather and Grandmother backgrounds or histories and my maternal biological Chinese aunties are not in contact with my father anymore after my mother's death on the 23rd June 1994 of a heart attack. She passed away at the age of fifty-nine years old. All I know now is my Chinese Surname is Tan.
My mother was a very hardworking woman and wife. She worked hard for her family and she also loved to cook various dishes for her family. She was a superb cook. She sold foods at the various food stalls while I was young and she loved to sell foods to her customers at a very low price and that made her customers very happy to eat at her stall not only because it was cheap, but her dishes tasted delicious too. She believed in working hard for money and when she had enough money, she would usually buy somethings for the family and provided cash for her family. She loved her family very much. My father's wage as a conveyancing clerk was not sufficient for nine mouths so my mother had to work too in order to help with the family income. I used to ask my mother for cash and she usually would remind me, 'Money is very difficult to find and do not behave as though we are rich.' Then she would grumble at me but she would still give me whatever money that I needed for myself. I was a pampered son and after her death, I reminiscent her love and commitment to our family. I remembered her saying to me oftenly, 'You will realised the difficulties after I am gone.' That was her usual phrased to me and I know the difficulties I faced after her demised. She was a woman who would try her very best to do things for her family with compassion and love regardless of her own health being deteriorated by long hours of hard worked. She is one mother I wish to have and to love forever and ever. Her loves still remain deep in my heart and I am very sure my other siblings feel this way too.
My mother was a woman who had the abilities to converse with the 'Djinns' or Spirit People, which most Moslems believed they existed unequivocally because it is stated the Holy Qur'an. She would be in a state of unconsciousness when this happened. Many people came to see her for help when they were ill or when they were being disturbed and tormented by unseen Spirits. This was the time when we were staying at the kampung and those who came to see her were all people who knew about her abilities of spiritual healing for those who were unwell with inexplicable sickness. The mother of mine did not go around telling people about her ability and she would not become involved unless it was necessary. Most of our kampung neighbours knew about her special abilities and she would not disclose to them about her spiritual healings that were rendered to those people who came to see her for that treatment. It was strictly confidential and my father would assist her while she was in a state of different personalities. My mother was not a person who earned a living by practicing spiritual healing that was only her small contribution to help others who really needed her help. Once my father told me that she was able to heal an individual who was suffering from mental illness and that healing was the talked of the kampung people.
My intention of writing about my mother is to make you understand the ways of many old generations' belief pertinent to spiritual healing because most of them believed in it just like their forefathers did. You must understand that the past generation people did not possessed high education, especially, the western academic knowledge and most of them believed strongly in the old ways of spiritual treatment. Those genuine spiritual healers who possessed this special ability usually do not like to make their gifted ability as a livelihood.
My father once told me that he had brought my mother to see a doctor pertaining to her sporadic fainting and unconsciously transformed into many different personalities. The physician diagnosed my mother's illness as madness but my father knew it was untrue and we her children knew it was also untrue. Those who knew her would tell you likewise. She had no problems with her social life, she behaved like any ordinary people and she could concentrate on whatever she was doing but those who did not know about her special abilities would think that she was suffering from mental illness or multi-split personalities. Maybe she was suffering from manic depression or mood swing that caused her to behave and perform such abilities would be more logical for physicians to conclude the state of my mother's psychosomatic characteristics. I must write according to what I know about my mother so that you would consider all the elements involved before you conclude your judgement upon her. I must let you know too that once upon a time while my mother was in the roofless bathroom of our kampung house, a large cobra fell on top of her head and probably that would have triggered some shocks and traumas that caused her to be like what she was. Probably after my younger sister's death, she was suffering from depression and guilty conscience for my father had actually blamed her for her ignorance and negligence. That would probably make more sensed for those of you who could not understand my mother's state of mental health and her special gifts to become someone else while she was in altered state of consciousness.
I knew my mother was unhappy about her marriaged with my father because most of the times they lacked of funds while having many children to feed. My father and mother always quarrelled and in the past my father had bad tempers too. He changed his behaviours after some of his children grew up into young adults. Many times my mother had told me, "I stay married to your father because of my children and it I do not think about all of you, I would have had left your father a long time ago." My father was a very hot-tempered man when he was younger. My second elder brother was tied up to a pole for being too mischievous in his conduct. My second elder brother was very physical and aggressived too in the past but he changed after he got married. In the past when each time my first elder sister came home late at night, my father would beat her up and sometimes he would bring out the 'parang' or hatchet and had threatened to kill her. He felt ashamed of my sister's behaviours for in the eyes of the kampung people at that time, a young who came home late at night was a bad girl. When this happened, the neighbours would drop by to stop the bad incidence from getting worst and they gave advised to my parents and my sister.
I had witnessed all these incidences throughout my childhood days until my age was around twelve years old. Then my father completely stopped beating my first elder sister when she returned home late. I realised that all the bad incidences that I had witnessed might somehow affected my intellect and behaviours as a grown up man now but I realised it is not good to be angry in front of the children or with the children. Beating them harshly or arguing and quarrelling with other people with violent actions or with abusive languages is not good for anybody. It will not help to solve any problems that I encounter and it will only make the matters worse. Usually when I faced with these kind of incidences I would just remain quiet and think about it quietly and calm myself before I handle the situations. In the olden days, many of us were disciplined with beatings by our own parents because they themselves were disciplined in the same manner by their own parents too. Sometimes it was child abused but many of them regarded their actions as disciplinary punishments and in the past my father had belted me too for being naughty or stupid. Time has changed all that inhumane punishments but when you read the newspapers today you could still see many irresponsible parents who had accidentally killed their children for being too angry with their children. I met many inmates who served their sentence in prison for being unable to control their raged with their children or wives or parents or siblings or colleagues or girlfriends. At the end they were the one whom should be bleached for causing hurts to others.
My mother had suffered a heart probleM at middle age and once a physician had told my father that his wife had approximately about six months to live when she was warded in the intensive care unit at the general hospital. The doctor's prediction did not come true and my father was very happy with my mother's life longevity and will to live. My mother was warded in the intensive care unit at the general hospital many times and each time she when recovered temporarily from her illness, we all felt very happy and very relieved. However, in the late afternoon of 23rd June 1994, she was struck by heart attacked while buying foods for her family at Haig Road Food Centre and she did not survived the heart attacked. Upon arrival at the hospital she was pronounced dead by the doctor. My father and siblings did not know about it until somebody informed them about the unfortunate incident late in the evening. All of them were busy with their work. I was living as a fugitive in Bali when that incident occurred. Later I got to know that somehow another on that same particular day, approximately at the same time when my mother had a heart attacked, I had taken out the photographs of my parents from the drawer and I had pin-pointed to my second wife, Sari, and I had mentioned to her that something bad had happened to my mother. Tears were forming in my eyes but Sari and I took it that I was probably being too emotional for nothing because earlier on that same particular day we had a slight misunderstanding. I did not call my family in Singapore because I thought that maybe I was being ridiculous and I had overeacted with my intuition. When I called my family two days later, I received the bad news and I had missed her funeral. I would not be able to return home too because I was a wanted man and a fugitive on the run. That was the time I started to look at life and I was wondering about the state of my mother's soul in the unseen realm and I began to read the Holy Qur'an to ease my pain and regrets within my heart. That was a long time ago but it still puzzled me so much about the intuitions that I had received pertaining to my mother's passing away.
# posted by Zulkifli @ 12:36 AM 
