Wednesday, January 10, 2007
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Eight
YOU'RE HAPPY, I'M HAPPY
"Love all but Heru is number One!"
I said this to Heru (1995, Bali)
In 1994, after my mother's demised, I became a man who wanted to have a meaningful life as a human. I tried to help my own family in Bali and also other people for this reason, to become a better person. I saw all my past actions and words that I had rendered on other people. I regretted for leaving Singapore and I began to dislike the attitude of Yani too because she began to become like a woman who was insensitive to other people problems or feelings. I saw in Noorasmah a wonderful woman who has all the values and loves that any man would wish for as a wife. I had realised my mistakes and I began to wonder what would happen to me, should I return to Singapore to face the Law and those people that I had cheated? I reviewed my life over and over again and I saw I had no good future in Indonesia if I remained there. I hated myself living a life of a fugitive. I did not miss Singapore but I missed my family in Singapore. The person that I missed the most was Noorasmah. I knew she was in miseries because there were few things that I had not settled with her, especially, about our marriage and our flat. I thought about her many times until I felt my heart was yearning for her to be near me again. I wished to return to her like a husband and I also missed my home in Singapore.
In August 1994, Lek Min decided to return to Malang, East Java, because she was uncomfortable living in Bali partly because Hinduism was the main religion in Bali. And not long after that, Yani and I went home to Yani's village again in Madiun, East Java, to fetch another younger brother of hers Rosman and her nephew Fajar, to live with us and studied in Bali.
Rosman was about 13 years old and he continued his studies in SMP 1 (almost equivalent to Secondary One standard in Singapore) while Fajar who was about 5 years old would be registered in TK 1 (Kindergarten School) in Bali.
I wanted Yani and Adi to be happy, having their own family living with them and I did not want them to worry so much about their family back at the village. So by having Rosman and Fajar around them, I felt it would lessen their worries. Yani and I felt that Bali would offer them a better future and perhaps I felt lonely too because I wanted to have my own family in Bali. I began to cherish the values of love relationships among family partly because I had learned it from my family from the spirit world.
Heru came to meet me after Fajar started his days at the Kindergarten School in Tuban, near Kuta. This school was inside the premises of a Moslem mosque, just next to it. He told me that he had followed Fajar to learn to read and write. He said that there was a male soul wearing green attire while he was there. The male spirit kept the mosque and school cleaned. At the same time he would take care of the serinity of the premises.
There was a time before Fajar and Rosman came to Bali, Heru wrote a few alphabets, which were like children handwriting. The alphabet B was written in a reversed manner and I would correct his mistakes. He wrote down his name "HERU" to show me his writing skills but the alphabet R was written in the reversed manner too. And I would correct him and he would rewrite it again correctly after that. Then he would also write down the names of Soni, Budi, Immi Natalia and Impi Gordon. He said that Budi had taught him to spell and write.
So, when Fajar attended school, there were occasions whereby Heru would pick-up any books or magazines to read to me in Bahasa Indonesia but he was just jestering with me to make me laughed and he would childishly laughed too at his own actioned. All those readings were wild readings that he had imagined while the reading material was in his hand. There were many times he had actually asked me to teach him to read a book. Sometimes I yielded to his requests but sometimes I was just too exhausted to teach him. Yani was literate in writing and reading.
There were times when Yani was asleep, then Heru was also sleeping too. Sometimes when I was still awake, Heru while in Yani's body and mind, he would mumble sleepily in a few words. I had noticed, he was actually sleeping and when that occurred, I would pat him to sleep again. I knew it was Heru because I heard his familiar childish voice.
There were also numerous times when he went to the toilet to urinate or pass motion when natures called for it. Sometimes he had constipation too and he would complain about it. Once he told me that a female spirit next door had told him this,"Heru, tell your Papi to buy more Papaya for you to eat so that Heru will not have difficulties when passing motion." He would also remember to wash cleaned after that too. When I asked him who had taught him that, he mentioned that Natalia had taught him to do that. Heru would like to stand while urinating because that was the way a guy would do it and I would remind him that his Mami was a female.
We took showers together numerous times and he liked to shower with lots of soap foams on his body. He loved to be scrubbed at the back and he loved to apply soap on to a small hand towel for him to scrub himself, as though like a western method of cleaning oneself while showering or while soaking oneself in a bathtub, which was totally unlike Yani.
When Yani and I had sex, Heru said that he would go away from us and Yani was herself; but later when he returned to meet me again, he said that he had peeked at us through the door keyhole. Sometimes, Budi and Soni would be there to peek too. Then he would laughed and smiled at me with the tip of his tongue sticking out, cutely.
He loved to watch 'Robo Cop' movies. Heru loved to fantasize that he was Robo Cop himself. Robo Cop was like his ideal hero.
I usually cut my own hair. Then Yani would complain that it looked awful when I cut my own hair. Then one day, while at the restaurant in the late afternoon, while I was sitting at the table observing people walking by, Heru suddenly took my hand and pulled me up. He said that he wanted me to follow him to show something special to me. There were no customers at that time. Then while walking he had remained silent when I kept asking him what was it that he wanted to show me. Then we suddenly stopped walking and he pointed his finger to that special thing and place that he wanted to show me. We were standing in front of a hair salon and he said,"Papi, this hair salon is good. Papi must cut Papi's hair because it looks untidy and ulgy." When I had refused he cried loudly in public. I had to follow his wished or else he would cry even harder and I would feel embarrassed. Inside the hair salon Yani consciousness came back on again but she was not surprised at all that we ended up inside a hair salon. Yani spoke to the lady that I needed a good and neat hair cut in Javanese but I was not so sure whether it was Yani or Heru. Inside the hair salon, she was quiet and always watching me while the lady cut my hair. After having cut my hair later, Heru smiled widely with the tip of his tongue sticking out. He was satisfied and he complimented me about my new look. He told me that he had a hair cut too and he had styled it according to the boy's hairstyle in the movie 'Terminator - Judgement Day.' He told me that there was a female spirit at the hair salon and she was kind towards him. He said that the female spirit had asked him about me and he had told her that I was his Papi. He said that she had smiled at Papi while I was inside the hair salon. I remembered looking at the lady while she was cutting my hair and she was smiling at me. Was she Heru too?
In 1994, most of the time, we went swimming at the small hotel and restaurant that my Balinese close friend showed us. His uncle owned a small hotel and restaurant with a swimming pool at the beach front in Kuta. This place was next to Club Risata Hotel - Bali.
"Love all but Heru is number One!"
I said this to Heru (1995, Bali)
In 1994, after my mother's demised, I became a man who wanted to have a meaningful life as a human. I tried to help my own family in Bali and also other people for this reason, to become a better person. I saw all my past actions and words that I had rendered on other people. I regretted for leaving Singapore and I began to dislike the attitude of Yani too because she began to become like a woman who was insensitive to other people problems or feelings. I saw in Noorasmah a wonderful woman who has all the values and loves that any man would wish for as a wife. I had realised my mistakes and I began to wonder what would happen to me, should I return to Singapore to face the Law and those people that I had cheated? I reviewed my life over and over again and I saw I had no good future in Indonesia if I remained there. I hated myself living a life of a fugitive. I did not miss Singapore but I missed my family in Singapore. The person that I missed the most was Noorasmah. I knew she was in miseries because there were few things that I had not settled with her, especially, about our marriage and our flat. I thought about her many times until I felt my heart was yearning for her to be near me again. I wished to return to her like a husband and I also missed my home in Singapore.
In August 1994, Lek Min decided to return to Malang, East Java, because she was uncomfortable living in Bali partly because Hinduism was the main religion in Bali. And not long after that, Yani and I went home to Yani's village again in Madiun, East Java, to fetch another younger brother of hers Rosman and her nephew Fajar, to live with us and studied in Bali.
Rosman was about 13 years old and he continued his studies in SMP 1 (almost equivalent to Secondary One standard in Singapore) while Fajar who was about 5 years old would be registered in TK 1 (Kindergarten School) in Bali.
I wanted Yani and Adi to be happy, having their own family living with them and I did not want them to worry so much about their family back at the village. So by having Rosman and Fajar around them, I felt it would lessen their worries. Yani and I felt that Bali would offer them a better future and perhaps I felt lonely too because I wanted to have my own family in Bali. I began to cherish the values of love relationships among family partly because I had learned it from my family from the spirit world.
Heru came to meet me after Fajar started his days at the Kindergarten School in Tuban, near Kuta. This school was inside the premises of a Moslem mosque, just next to it. He told me that he had followed Fajar to learn to read and write. He said that there was a male soul wearing green attire while he was there. The male spirit kept the mosque and school cleaned. At the same time he would take care of the serinity of the premises.
There was a time before Fajar and Rosman came to Bali, Heru wrote a few alphabets, which were like children handwriting. The alphabet B was written in a reversed manner and I would correct his mistakes. He wrote down his name "HERU" to show me his writing skills but the alphabet R was written in the reversed manner too. And I would correct him and he would rewrite it again correctly after that. Then he would also write down the names of Soni, Budi, Immi Natalia and Impi Gordon. He said that Budi had taught him to spell and write.
So, when Fajar attended school, there were occasions whereby Heru would pick-up any books or magazines to read to me in Bahasa Indonesia but he was just jestering with me to make me laughed and he would childishly laughed too at his own actioned. All those readings were wild readings that he had imagined while the reading material was in his hand. There were many times he had actually asked me to teach him to read a book. Sometimes I yielded to his requests but sometimes I was just too exhausted to teach him. Yani was literate in writing and reading.
There were times when Yani was asleep, then Heru was also sleeping too. Sometimes when I was still awake, Heru while in Yani's body and mind, he would mumble sleepily in a few words. I had noticed, he was actually sleeping and when that occurred, I would pat him to sleep again. I knew it was Heru because I heard his familiar childish voice.
There were also numerous times when he went to the toilet to urinate or pass motion when natures called for it. Sometimes he had constipation too and he would complain about it. Once he told me that a female spirit next door had told him this,"Heru, tell your Papi to buy more Papaya for you to eat so that Heru will not have difficulties when passing motion." He would also remember to wash cleaned after that too. When I asked him who had taught him that, he mentioned that Natalia had taught him to do that. Heru would like to stand while urinating because that was the way a guy would do it and I would remind him that his Mami was a female.
We took showers together numerous times and he liked to shower with lots of soap foams on his body. He loved to be scrubbed at the back and he loved to apply soap on to a small hand towel for him to scrub himself, as though like a western method of cleaning oneself while showering or while soaking oneself in a bathtub, which was totally unlike Yani.
When Yani and I had sex, Heru said that he would go away from us and Yani was herself; but later when he returned to meet me again, he said that he had peeked at us through the door keyhole. Sometimes, Budi and Soni would be there to peek too. Then he would laughed and smiled at me with the tip of his tongue sticking out, cutely.
He loved to watch 'Robo Cop' movies. Heru loved to fantasize that he was Robo Cop himself. Robo Cop was like his ideal hero.
I usually cut my own hair. Then Yani would complain that it looked awful when I cut my own hair. Then one day, while at the restaurant in the late afternoon, while I was sitting at the table observing people walking by, Heru suddenly took my hand and pulled me up. He said that he wanted me to follow him to show something special to me. There were no customers at that time. Then while walking he had remained silent when I kept asking him what was it that he wanted to show me. Then we suddenly stopped walking and he pointed his finger to that special thing and place that he wanted to show me. We were standing in front of a hair salon and he said,"Papi, this hair salon is good. Papi must cut Papi's hair because it looks untidy and ulgy." When I had refused he cried loudly in public. I had to follow his wished or else he would cry even harder and I would feel embarrassed. Inside the hair salon Yani consciousness came back on again but she was not surprised at all that we ended up inside a hair salon. Yani spoke to the lady that I needed a good and neat hair cut in Javanese but I was not so sure whether it was Yani or Heru. Inside the hair salon, she was quiet and always watching me while the lady cut my hair. After having cut my hair later, Heru smiled widely with the tip of his tongue sticking out. He was satisfied and he complimented me about my new look. He told me that he had a hair cut too and he had styled it according to the boy's hairstyle in the movie 'Terminator - Judgement Day.' He told me that there was a female spirit at the hair salon and she was kind towards him. He said that the female spirit had asked him about me and he had told her that I was his Papi. He said that she had smiled at Papi while I was inside the hair salon. I remembered looking at the lady while she was cutting my hair and she was smiling at me. Was she Heru too?
In 1994, most of the time, we went swimming at the small hotel and restaurant that my Balinese close friend showed us. His uncle owned a small hotel and restaurant with a swimming pool at the beach front in Kuta. This place was next to Club Risata Hotel - Bali.
Please take note. My other blog is at http://www.life-of-a-mankind.blogspot.com/ Take a look at it.
With Love,
Joe
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Seven
BEING A CHILD & AN ADULT
"Papi, who is Mami Asmah?"
Heru questioned me about Noorasmah.
In 1995, Bali.
Heru said that he had a good girlfriend next to our restaurant. There was a spirit girl named Melly and he had always played with her when he followed me to the restaurant. The shop next to our restaurant sold T-Shirts, Shorts and other clothing materials. A couple operated that clothing shop and they had a six years old son. They were very kind and helpful couple. Heru often talked to this couple's boy through Yani with his own childlike manner and many times the small boy commented, "Kamu omong kayak anak kecil" (You speak like a small child). I heard it myself and I laughed as I watched and listened to Heru and this small boy talked. I knew Heru was the one who was talking to this boy but this boy was very happy to talk to Heru. He did not know what was happening and I believed he did not tell his parents about Mbak Yani next door strange characteristics and behaviours.
He had also another girlfriend living next to Natalia's house named Annie and he had always played together with her too. Once in the evening, he took me for a walked around the neighbourhood because he wanted to show his friends in his world 'His Papi'. He was so proud of me. As we were walking along and passing by the neighbouring houses, he said to me that many people in his world were puzzled about his relationship with me. They were commenting something like this, "How come it could become like this?" He laughed and smiled at me with his tongue sticking out from his mouth. His cute expressions reminded me of a small kitten with its tongue sticking out like that. I did not know what they meant by that statement because Heru did not explain it to me and I did not ask him about it either.
Many times when Heru came to meet me while Yani was having menstruation, he disliked what he felt and he would go out as soon as possible. He would only see me for awhile.
He also disliked wearing the bra when he came to meet me. He would request for it to be taken off or loosen the bra. He said it felt uncomfortable.
Many times Yani and I quarrelled but Heru was always there to make me forgave her. I forgave her because I loved Heru like my son and I did not want to leave him. It seemed after my mother's death, Yani and I often quarrelled about our business operation, especially about financial matters.
Once in the late evening at home, Yani and I quarrelled again and this time she shouted at me to get out from her house. I took some of my clothings and put it inside my bag. Without my knowledge, while I was packing-up my clothings, she told Lek Mim to lock the front gate. So, I climbed over the fences and I started walking. The dogs were barking and howling when I walked passed Natalia's house. Then when I turned my head around, behind me I saw Yani was following me about thirty to forty metres away. When I stopped walking, she would also stop walking too. This went on until I nearly reached the main road. I thought of checking into a hotel in Kuta for a night and I really wanted to fly off from Bali and perhaps go to Batam island (which is very near to Singapore). Then, I decided to just stopped walking and waited for Yani. Yani came closed to me but it was not Yani. It was Heru's voice, "Papi, where are you going? Immi Natalia, Soni and Heru saw Papi walking with a bag in hand. We followed Papi. Why Papi sad?" I cried when I heard Heru said that to me. He held my hand and pulled me to return home. I could not leave him. So, I decided to return home and forgave Yani. Upon reaching home, I went straight to bed to sleep. The next day I just acted like nothing had happend between Yani and I. Yani did the same thing too.
There was another occasion when Yani and I was exchanging heated words with each other, then when she went to sit at the small reading room, Heru suddenly came out crying and said, "Why Papi and Mami Yani must quarrelled. If Papi loves Heru, please do not quarrelled." He managed to cool me down and I stopped arguing with Yani. I told him I would not worry Mami Yani and I would not make Heru cried again. He replied, "Papi si! Papi don't want to 'sayang-sayang' (make love) Mami Yani." Most of that time I was so busy with the business and I forgotten about making Yani happy too. I was too exhausted when I reached home every morning or during the late night. It was just like when I was with Noorasmah too. History repeated itself again.
There was one occasion in the afternoon, I was angry with Yani's behaviours. She seemed not like herself anymore and she had changed like a wicked woman. She always showed anger towards the staffs and to me. I tried to talk to her but she refused to listen to me anymore. So, I decided to go out instead of arguing with her because I did not wish to upset her or Heru. I knew Heru was near by somewhere. I went out to the car and turned on the car engine. Heru came out from the house and he just sat on the car front bonnet, refusing to come down. I saw him crying and I decided to abandon my planned of going out. I went inside the house again and Heru would talk to me like a son wanting his father to stay at home.
Once in the night, I managed to drive off and I was really angry with Yani when I left the house. As I drove off, I saw Yani came out from the house and she just sat in a chair at the front porch of the house. I drove to the airport and stopped the car by the road side. I just watched the planes taking off and landing. In my heart, I just felt like going to the airport and booked a ticket back to Singapore. I still had my Singapore Passport with me and faced whatever nightmares that I supposed to encounter in my own country. I was really not happy with my life in Bali too though most of the time I had managed to blind fold my eyes with the reality checked of my life with Yani in Pulau Dewata. I knew I had some unsolved problems with Noorasmah. I knew deep in my heart and soul that she was probably sufferring from my evil deeds upon her loving and pure heart. My conscience was telling me to see carefully what it was like to live with Noorasmah and Yani. It was like comparing an angel with a demon. I remembered I was also crying loudly inside the car. Only God knew how I felt at that moment. I really needed to find solace in my life.
After an hour later, I returned home. Upon reaching home, Heru came to meet me saying that he was confused. "Heru didn't know whom to follow. Mami or Papi." His face expression was very sad. I told him not to worry because I did not have the intention to leave him.
Once Yani and I were sitting at the front porch of the house. We had a slight misunderstanding and she was sitting quietly. Then, Heru spoke to me, "Papi, Mami is thinking of leaving Papi! Mami intent to leave Papi!" I asked him what else Yani was thinking. He said, "Mami is not happy with Papi because Papi don't want Mami." I told him to persuade his Mami to cool down. Then he said, "Mami don't want to listen si. Mami too don't want to listen to Papi anymore. Mami still wants to leave Papi." He was so unhappy with her too and I could see that his eyes were really wide open when he said that to me. He seemed afraid too about the possibilities of Yani's intention. He was really afraid of losing her and possibly me too. I told him to tell his Mami that if she leave me, I would commit suicide. That statement was only to make Yani's thoughts to think twice. I knew Heru could sort of whisper inside Yani's mind and probably she would listen to that little voice in her conscience. He was reluctant but he did what I had told him to say to Yani. While Heru was sort of whispering to Yani, I could see that his eyes was moving with confusion and I could also see that he was also worried about Yani's thoughts. Then Heru said, "Heru try to tell Mami but Mami still very stubborn. Mami don't care about Papi and Mami still wants to leave Papi. Heru cannot do anything. Mami very stubborn si and Papi don't want to show Papi's love to Mami si!" He was crying too because I saw that Heru was seeing Yani's mind and feeling Yani's emotion within herself too. Somehow another I managed to calm Yani down after Heru left Yani's body. Then she told me that she wanted time for herself and she told me that she wanted to stay somewhere for awhile. I queried her about where she wanted to go but she just said that she would come back again and I did not have to worry about her. I could not discourage her from going and I had to trust her words in good faith.
During her absence, I was also worried sick about her safety and about the possibilities that she might leave me too. If that happened, I would not know what to do. She went for a week and I had to take care of the business with Lek Mim and Adi. There was one night when I was at the restaurant, I saw a taxi by the road side and there was someone watching at the direction of the restaurant. It did not come to my mind that Yani was watching me. Later when she returned home, she told me that she went to a hotel to stay and true enough, she said that she had watched me in a taxi on one occasion during the night.
All these incidences had happened when the business was very slow during the low tourist season in the first half year of 1994. I remembered that the soccer World Cup competition was on too. So, maybe majority of the tourists went to U.S.A to see the soccer matches over there and majority of them probably had preferred to stay at their own country, placing their large amount bets and watched the historical event on television. It was the first time ever when the U.S. was the host for such great event and their own soccer team was also one of the main contender in 1994 World Cup competition.
Natalia came to see me one day to complain about Gordon. She said that Gordon was coming home late at night most of the time now and she sometimes quarrelled with him for this reason. He told Natalia to tell me that he was doing some other business too and that was antique business. He needed to scout for the antiques so that he could export it to Australia or other countries. I told Natalia to allow Gordon to have some time for himself to do his work and she as a wife should listen to him. I told Natalia to be understanding and let him do his business because he had a responsibility to fulfil. Natalia listened to me and then left Yani's body.
It seemed that she came to see me at the time when I too was coming back late most of the time and Yani was at home most of the time. I was wondering whether she was actually implying to me about my own mistakes of concentrating too much on my business. Maybe she was referring to me and probably Gordon was 'working' for me. Maybe he was my 'guardian angel'?
Natalia met me one day to inform me that Mas Anton and Ricky left for Jogyakarta, in Central Java. Natalia told me that Mas Anton felt that it was better for Ricky to come along with him to Jogyakarta too. Anton left without saying goodbye to me. That was the last news I heard about Mas Anton and Ricky.
Heru asked me where were Om Anton and Om Ricky because he had not seen them for quite sometimes. I told him that they went home to Java to stay at Om Anton's house. Now there were only Natalia, Gordon, Budi, Soni, Heru and Mbok left as my family in the spirit world.
Once, he saw many marks on my body. These marks were due to my illness of chicken poxs while I was about nine or ten years old. He asked me what were those marks. I jokingly told him that those marks were caused by bullet wounds. He giggled because he said that those marks were hero marks. I wondered why subconsciously I had remarked in that manner. Maybe I was 'Osman' and I did not know about it or maybe Osman was talking to Heru, knowingly that I could hear them.
Then Heru mentioned to me that he wanted to become a soldier or a policeman when he grows up. I disliked the sound of his ambition because living in Indonesia during that period and maybe till now, I had hated those uniform groups in Indonesia because most of them were corrupted. So, I told him about being a fighter pilot was much better than being a soldier or a policeman. He loved the idea because he loved aeroplanes. In fact I had mentioned to Yani that should we have a son, I would like to see him to become a pilot.
One night, Heru came to me. I was asleep but he woke me up and he told me that he was really feeling hungry. There was no food at home so I told him that probably we need to go out to buy some food for him. I was really exhausted but I saw his eyes were sad. I could not bear to see him sad and hungry. So, we dressed up and got ourselves ready to go to a nearby 24 hours Padang restaurant. Heru would normally wear a short for Yani when he dressed up for her.
Inside the car, while I was driving, suddenly, he cried and there were full of tears in his eyes. He was really crying. So I asked him why he was crying. He said, "When Heru all grown-up and when Papi already old, Heru will take care of Papi."
"Papi, who is Mami Asmah?"
Heru questioned me about Noorasmah.
In 1995, Bali.
Heru said that he had a good girlfriend next to our restaurant. There was a spirit girl named Melly and he had always played with her when he followed me to the restaurant. The shop next to our restaurant sold T-Shirts, Shorts and other clothing materials. A couple operated that clothing shop and they had a six years old son. They were very kind and helpful couple. Heru often talked to this couple's boy through Yani with his own childlike manner and many times the small boy commented, "Kamu omong kayak anak kecil" (You speak like a small child). I heard it myself and I laughed as I watched and listened to Heru and this small boy talked. I knew Heru was the one who was talking to this boy but this boy was very happy to talk to Heru. He did not know what was happening and I believed he did not tell his parents about Mbak Yani next door strange characteristics and behaviours.
He had also another girlfriend living next to Natalia's house named Annie and he had always played together with her too. Once in the evening, he took me for a walked around the neighbourhood because he wanted to show his friends in his world 'His Papi'. He was so proud of me. As we were walking along and passing by the neighbouring houses, he said to me that many people in his world were puzzled about his relationship with me. They were commenting something like this, "How come it could become like this?" He laughed and smiled at me with his tongue sticking out from his mouth. His cute expressions reminded me of a small kitten with its tongue sticking out like that. I did not know what they meant by that statement because Heru did not explain it to me and I did not ask him about it either.
Many times when Heru came to meet me while Yani was having menstruation, he disliked what he felt and he would go out as soon as possible. He would only see me for awhile.
He also disliked wearing the bra when he came to meet me. He would request for it to be taken off or loosen the bra. He said it felt uncomfortable.
Many times Yani and I quarrelled but Heru was always there to make me forgave her. I forgave her because I loved Heru like my son and I did not want to leave him. It seemed after my mother's death, Yani and I often quarrelled about our business operation, especially about financial matters.
Once in the late evening at home, Yani and I quarrelled again and this time she shouted at me to get out from her house. I took some of my clothings and put it inside my bag. Without my knowledge, while I was packing-up my clothings, she told Lek Mim to lock the front gate. So, I climbed over the fences and I started walking. The dogs were barking and howling when I walked passed Natalia's house. Then when I turned my head around, behind me I saw Yani was following me about thirty to forty metres away. When I stopped walking, she would also stop walking too. This went on until I nearly reached the main road. I thought of checking into a hotel in Kuta for a night and I really wanted to fly off from Bali and perhaps go to Batam island (which is very near to Singapore). Then, I decided to just stopped walking and waited for Yani. Yani came closed to me but it was not Yani. It was Heru's voice, "Papi, where are you going? Immi Natalia, Soni and Heru saw Papi walking with a bag in hand. We followed Papi. Why Papi sad?" I cried when I heard Heru said that to me. He held my hand and pulled me to return home. I could not leave him. So, I decided to return home and forgave Yani. Upon reaching home, I went straight to bed to sleep. The next day I just acted like nothing had happend between Yani and I. Yani did the same thing too.
There was another occasion when Yani and I was exchanging heated words with each other, then when she went to sit at the small reading room, Heru suddenly came out crying and said, "Why Papi and Mami Yani must quarrelled. If Papi loves Heru, please do not quarrelled." He managed to cool me down and I stopped arguing with Yani. I told him I would not worry Mami Yani and I would not make Heru cried again. He replied, "Papi si! Papi don't want to 'sayang-sayang' (make love) Mami Yani." Most of that time I was so busy with the business and I forgotten about making Yani happy too. I was too exhausted when I reached home every morning or during the late night. It was just like when I was with Noorasmah too. History repeated itself again.
There was one occasion in the afternoon, I was angry with Yani's behaviours. She seemed not like herself anymore and she had changed like a wicked woman. She always showed anger towards the staffs and to me. I tried to talk to her but she refused to listen to me anymore. So, I decided to go out instead of arguing with her because I did not wish to upset her or Heru. I knew Heru was near by somewhere. I went out to the car and turned on the car engine. Heru came out from the house and he just sat on the car front bonnet, refusing to come down. I saw him crying and I decided to abandon my planned of going out. I went inside the house again and Heru would talk to me like a son wanting his father to stay at home.
Once in the night, I managed to drive off and I was really angry with Yani when I left the house. As I drove off, I saw Yani came out from the house and she just sat in a chair at the front porch of the house. I drove to the airport and stopped the car by the road side. I just watched the planes taking off and landing. In my heart, I just felt like going to the airport and booked a ticket back to Singapore. I still had my Singapore Passport with me and faced whatever nightmares that I supposed to encounter in my own country. I was really not happy with my life in Bali too though most of the time I had managed to blind fold my eyes with the reality checked of my life with Yani in Pulau Dewata. I knew I had some unsolved problems with Noorasmah. I knew deep in my heart and soul that she was probably sufferring from my evil deeds upon her loving and pure heart. My conscience was telling me to see carefully what it was like to live with Noorasmah and Yani. It was like comparing an angel with a demon. I remembered I was also crying loudly inside the car. Only God knew how I felt at that moment. I really needed to find solace in my life.
After an hour later, I returned home. Upon reaching home, Heru came to meet me saying that he was confused. "Heru didn't know whom to follow. Mami or Papi." His face expression was very sad. I told him not to worry because I did not have the intention to leave him.
Once Yani and I were sitting at the front porch of the house. We had a slight misunderstanding and she was sitting quietly. Then, Heru spoke to me, "Papi, Mami is thinking of leaving Papi! Mami intent to leave Papi!" I asked him what else Yani was thinking. He said, "Mami is not happy with Papi because Papi don't want Mami." I told him to persuade his Mami to cool down. Then he said, "Mami don't want to listen si. Mami too don't want to listen to Papi anymore. Mami still wants to leave Papi." He was so unhappy with her too and I could see that his eyes were really wide open when he said that to me. He seemed afraid too about the possibilities of Yani's intention. He was really afraid of losing her and possibly me too. I told him to tell his Mami that if she leave me, I would commit suicide. That statement was only to make Yani's thoughts to think twice. I knew Heru could sort of whisper inside Yani's mind and probably she would listen to that little voice in her conscience. He was reluctant but he did what I had told him to say to Yani. While Heru was sort of whispering to Yani, I could see that his eyes was moving with confusion and I could also see that he was also worried about Yani's thoughts. Then Heru said, "Heru try to tell Mami but Mami still very stubborn. Mami don't care about Papi and Mami still wants to leave Papi. Heru cannot do anything. Mami very stubborn si and Papi don't want to show Papi's love to Mami si!" He was crying too because I saw that Heru was seeing Yani's mind and feeling Yani's emotion within herself too. Somehow another I managed to calm Yani down after Heru left Yani's body. Then she told me that she wanted time for herself and she told me that she wanted to stay somewhere for awhile. I queried her about where she wanted to go but she just said that she would come back again and I did not have to worry about her. I could not discourage her from going and I had to trust her words in good faith.
During her absence, I was also worried sick about her safety and about the possibilities that she might leave me too. If that happened, I would not know what to do. She went for a week and I had to take care of the business with Lek Mim and Adi. There was one night when I was at the restaurant, I saw a taxi by the road side and there was someone watching at the direction of the restaurant. It did not come to my mind that Yani was watching me. Later when she returned home, she told me that she went to a hotel to stay and true enough, she said that she had watched me in a taxi on one occasion during the night.
All these incidences had happened when the business was very slow during the low tourist season in the first half year of 1994. I remembered that the soccer World Cup competition was on too. So, maybe majority of the tourists went to U.S.A to see the soccer matches over there and majority of them probably had preferred to stay at their own country, placing their large amount bets and watched the historical event on television. It was the first time ever when the U.S. was the host for such great event and their own soccer team was also one of the main contender in 1994 World Cup competition.
Natalia came to see me one day to complain about Gordon. She said that Gordon was coming home late at night most of the time now and she sometimes quarrelled with him for this reason. He told Natalia to tell me that he was doing some other business too and that was antique business. He needed to scout for the antiques so that he could export it to Australia or other countries. I told Natalia to allow Gordon to have some time for himself to do his work and she as a wife should listen to him. I told Natalia to be understanding and let him do his business because he had a responsibility to fulfil. Natalia listened to me and then left Yani's body.
It seemed that she came to see me at the time when I too was coming back late most of the time and Yani was at home most of the time. I was wondering whether she was actually implying to me about my own mistakes of concentrating too much on my business. Maybe she was referring to me and probably Gordon was 'working' for me. Maybe he was my 'guardian angel'?
Natalia met me one day to inform me that Mas Anton and Ricky left for Jogyakarta, in Central Java. Natalia told me that Mas Anton felt that it was better for Ricky to come along with him to Jogyakarta too. Anton left without saying goodbye to me. That was the last news I heard about Mas Anton and Ricky.
Heru asked me where were Om Anton and Om Ricky because he had not seen them for quite sometimes. I told him that they went home to Java to stay at Om Anton's house. Now there were only Natalia, Gordon, Budi, Soni, Heru and Mbok left as my family in the spirit world.
Once, he saw many marks on my body. These marks were due to my illness of chicken poxs while I was about nine or ten years old. He asked me what were those marks. I jokingly told him that those marks were caused by bullet wounds. He giggled because he said that those marks were hero marks. I wondered why subconsciously I had remarked in that manner. Maybe I was 'Osman' and I did not know about it or maybe Osman was talking to Heru, knowingly that I could hear them.
Then Heru mentioned to me that he wanted to become a soldier or a policeman when he grows up. I disliked the sound of his ambition because living in Indonesia during that period and maybe till now, I had hated those uniform groups in Indonesia because most of them were corrupted. So, I told him about being a fighter pilot was much better than being a soldier or a policeman. He loved the idea because he loved aeroplanes. In fact I had mentioned to Yani that should we have a son, I would like to see him to become a pilot.
One night, Heru came to me. I was asleep but he woke me up and he told me that he was really feeling hungry. There was no food at home so I told him that probably we need to go out to buy some food for him. I was really exhausted but I saw his eyes were sad. I could not bear to see him sad and hungry. So, we dressed up and got ourselves ready to go to a nearby 24 hours Padang restaurant. Heru would normally wear a short for Yani when he dressed up for her.
Inside the car, while I was driving, suddenly, he cried and there were full of tears in his eyes. He was really crying. So I asked him why he was crying. He said, "When Heru all grown-up and when Papi already old, Heru will take care of Papi."
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Six
IF YOU WISH ME TO STAY, I STAY
IF YOU WISH ME TO GO, I GO
IF YOU WISH ME TO GO, I GO
"Later, when Heru have a little brother, Heru will follow him.
Heru will give all Heru's toys for little brother to play with."
Heru's promise to me when Yani was about six months into her pregnancy.
(Bali, 1995).
Later, Heru informed me that Kakak's parents went to Jakarta to work there. Kakak would be alone in Bali with Mbah, her old maid, for awhile until such time when Kakak would join them to live together with her parents in Jakarta. In the meantime, the house monthly bills in their world were taken cared of by Kakak's uncle who was staying in other part of Bali. Later, Heru had informed me that Kakak's parents had failed to pay Mbah's her 'monthly salary' and sometimes Heru told me that Mbah was hungry. I felt sorry for her so I told Heru to tell Mbah to take the money that I had placed inside the small drawer for her to buy some food for herself. Heru met up with me later to convey to me, "Mbah say, 'Thank you' Papi." Later I checked the small drawer, the money was gone. Heru told me that Mbah told him that once she had children, a long time ago. They were all grown up. They had their own life now and she had her own life now. Then one day Natalia decided to take Mbah to live with her because Natalia needed her helped in taking care of Soni, Heru and the house work.
Heru told me that Gordon had opened up a shop at Nusa Dua, selling T-Shirts, Shorts and other clothing materials. He said that Soni would usually follow Gordon to the shop. Natalia was learning to cook and doing housework or reading novel books. He said that Natalia loved to cook hot dishes and Gordon would always grumble of her cooking because he disliked eating chillied hot dishes.
Heru said that cousin Henry had send a remote control toy airplane from New Zealand for Budi, Soni and himself to play with but Natalia had kept the remote control airplane after it accidentally got stcuk on a tree.
Heru also informed me that Budi's eyes were very small and he demonstrated it to me by pulling back at the side of his eyes to show how small it was as though like a Japanese eyes or features. I laughed when he did that demonstration. Was Heru trying to tell me that Budi was a Japaneses soul?
Heru always said to me that he wanted to be like me. He wanted to have black hair and Asian colour skin instead of his Caucasian features. He loved to be called 'Anak Indonesia' or Children of Indonesia because most of the spirits in his world thought that he was a tourist and each time they would talk to him like this, "Kamu tamu ya?" (You are a tourist ya?) and he would reply them, "Ngak. Saya anak Indonesia." (No. I'm Indonesia Child).
I had treated Margarita quite badly and I hated to have intimacy relationship with her. She said that I had ignored her while in her spirit world the White souls in Bali were treating her very well. Though I had treated her that way, Yani began to wear two gold rings on her left hand fourth finger. When I asked Yani why she wore it in that manner, she said that she just felt like wearing two gold rings on her fourth finger. But I knew what it meant because Margarita wanted to remind me about her status to me and furthermore, back in Jakarta at Hotel Danau Toba, she had promised me that she would try to do something about the wedding ring. She had fulfilled her promised to me but I was the wicked one and not Margarita.
It seemed that Margarita and the others could actually make Yani ignorant of her strange behaviours or they could have total control of Yani if they wished too. Yani seemed to behave more like them and having their characteristics rather than her own. I would not know whether Yani was Yani or them anymore because they could come and go silently without my knowledge.
Yani began to ask me question. She asked me, "What will you do if you are an orphan and then later you found out about your biological father identity? I told her that most probably I would look for him. Then she asked me, "You think its alright?" I replied affirmative. Then she told me, "What if I tell you that I know my biological father identity?" I just looked at her in amazement because I thought that Pak Sardi was her biological father. She told me that Lek Mim had told her about it and she was also so shocked to learn about the truth. But she said that whatever had happened, she would still regard Pak Sardi as her true father. I had no idea why Lek Mim had decided to talk to Yani about her biological father identity after all that years that had passed. She had told Yani that it was meant to be a family secret. That was the time I had discovered about Yani's real father identity. He was an officer in the Indonesian Police Force in Madiun. Yani told me that she would like to meet him later and talked to him but that never took place. Somewhere in 1995, she went back to Madiun but she did not manage to meet him personally because he was already married and he had a family too. She said that he was not around and her mother, the wife of her biological father, did not see her as her daughter.
One day, Yani asked me this question. "Dee Dee, what happened if I'm pregnant, and later I give birth to a white boy?" I was too shocked to hear that questioned. I asked her why she said that statement. She said that she had dreamt many times about a white boy. This little boy is cute. He can make himself small, smaller and smallest." I laughed when I heard her said that. So when Heru came to meet me after that, I had asked him exactly why he had seen his Mami in her dream. He said that Mami Yani loved little children and like to meet her. I asked him what he had done. He said that he had always made her see him in her dream so that they could be like a Mami and a son.
Later, Heru always drew pictures of a house, with three stick like figures with the genitals exposed. Then he would explain to me about his drawings. The female figure was supposedly Mami Yani and the male figure was me. The little child in the middle of Mami Yani and Papi, was himself, Heru. All of us were holding hands.
Once, Yani saw the drawings, she asked me whether I drew those pictures. I denied it and I told her that it was herself who had drawn those pictures. She was puzzled and she asked me again. Then I decided to tell a white lie to her that I drew those pictures. She commented that my drawings was horrible because it was like a child's drawing. I had remembered and kept my promised to them.
I taught Heru some children songs and later he sang some Christian children songs that he said Natalia had taught him. He loved to pray a Muslim prayer everynight before we went to sleep. The prayer was Surah (Chapter) One, Fatiha, or the Opening Chapter of the Al Qur'an. He hated it sometimes too when he felt too tired or too sleepy and normally I would insist that he completed the verse before he went to sleep. When that happened, he would recite it as fast as he could and I would normally allow him to do that just because he was just a little child (spirit).
He loved Walt Disney cartoons too. His favourites were Miki Tikus (Mickey Mouse) and Donald Bebek (Duck). He loved watching Home Alone (Part One). He would tell me that he was that small little boy and he wished to have that kind of hair style with the front fringe covering his left eye. At one time we were watching the movie "The Fireball" and there was one statement that he heard the little girl shouted in the movie, "My Mother is dead! My Father is dead!" Numerous times after that he repeated that statement to me wildly and I had to stopped him. Then he quiet down and he desist using that statement after I had strongly insisted him not to make that statement into a habit. It was not nice to hear.
One day, Heru had informed me that Impi Gordon's good friends, Om Paul and Tante Caroline, from Australia came to Bali for a visit. They would be in Bali for a holiday and he said that Tante Caroline had called him a Genius. He had difficulty in pronouncing the word and I had to correct him uttering that word. Heru queried me about the meaning and I explained it to him. He was so happy to hear the meaning and from that day onward, I called him "Kancil" or mouse deer. But later he did not like the pet name kancil because the rest started to call him by that name too and he sort of like sulkingly blamed me for making the rest to tease him by that pet name.
Then after a few days later, Heru told me that Tante Caroline had invited him to follow her back to Australia. Heru asked me if I would mind if he followed her and stay in Australia. I said "No" but I told him that in Australia there were many bad people there. Heru was afraid of going there after he heard what I had mentioned to him. Indirectly, I felt that if he went away, I would miss him very much.
I asked him whether there were many good people in his world if compared to the physical world. He said that he liked the physical world more than his own world because there were many good people in the physical world than his own world.
Heru had always mentioned to me that Om Ricky loved to see Yani wore sexy attires and he found Yani very pretty. He told me that Om Ricky would always drop by the house to see him and Yani. I had an impression that Ricky was falling in love with Yani from the way Heru had informed me. Heru told me that Om Ricky disliked my character because I had Margarita as my 'wife' in the world of the spirit and he also disliked me because I sort of neglected Margarita. He felt that it was unfair for Yani and Margarita to be treated by me in that way.
I met Ricky one evening through Yani. He spoke to me slowly in Bahasa Indonesia with a foreign accent. He highlighted to me about treating Margarita badly and being unfaithful towards Yani without her knowledge. I listened to him but I told him that I had regarded him like a brother too because he was Gordon's cousin. He replied that he had also regarded me like his brother too or else he would have taken Yani to his world. He was like drunk when he met up with me through Yani.
Then one evening, while Yani was sleeping, she began calling Ricky's name. Lek Mim and I heard it so we went to the bedroom to see what was the matter with Yani. Adi was at the mini-restaurant, taking care of the food business. In her sleep, she was calling for Ricky and crying for him not to leave her. Her eyes were opened and we could see the tears in her eyes. She was pleading with Ricky to take her away with him and it seemed that she had difficulty in breathing too. I spoke to her but she could not wake up from her sleep and she was still seeing something or someone in her sleep. Lek Mim was worried and I too was worried because Yani was actually reaching for someone invisible. Her upper body kept going up and down to reach something with her hands. We knew she was not acting because her breathing became weaker and weaker as we watched helplessly. I nearly gave up hoped because I could not wake her up even though I had poured some water on her face.
A few months before I fled from Singapore, I had a pen talisman that was loan to me by a Malay martial art master, who had lived at Haig Road. He told me that this talisman was a loan to me and after I had no need of its used, I should return to him the pen talisman. His name was Pak Hosni. He said that it was meant for my protection and also for my business.
This pen talisman has Quranic verses written on its copper exterior casing and when I opened it by pulling both ends of the pen apart, separating it in the middle, there were two sharp Kris liked blades from both sides of the pen. (Please take note, this pen could be smuggle inside the bag or inside the pocket without being traced by the security while boarding an aeroplane. I had tried it in the past during my constant visit to Jakarta. It was easily found in Indonesia, especially in Jakarta, Quitang district, The Quitang Mosque. Pak Hosni had received this talisman from someone in that mosque).
I took out that pen talisman from my wardrobe and let Yani held it in her hands. She became quieter and more relax. I told Lek Mim that a spirit from the unseen world was disturbing Yani. She just listened to me without commenting a word.
Yani then in her naive-hypnotised state of mind suddenly woke up and told us this, "I've just dreamt the most wonderful dream. I was walking towards a place where I saw many people waiting for me at a wedding function and I was wearing a wedding gown. It was like I was getting married and there was a big celebration for me. There were so many people there waiting for me and I felt so happy. Then I met my deceased Grandmother. She saw me and I was so happy to see her. She was reading a document but then she tore it in front of me, saying that it was not the time yet." Then I asked Yani what had happened after that but she went back to sleep.
We let her sleep and I looked at Lek Mim. She was also puzzled with Yani's strange dream. In my mind, I had this assumption that maybe it was the worked of Ricky because Yani was calling for him.
After about fifteen minutes, Yani woke up from her sleep and I questioned her about her dream but she had no recollection of it. I asked her about Ricky, whether she knew anybody by that name, She denied it. I knew Lek Mim had told Yani privately about the incident she had witnessed but Yani would disbelieve it and she would comment it as only a dream. Lek Mim would be unable to convince Yani that it was not a dream. I did not talk to them about it anymore and later that night when Heru came to meet me, I told him to call for Margarita to meet me.
Margarita came and I told her about what had happened to Yani. I told her that Ricky had tried to take Yani to the spirit world. She told me that probably Ricky had learned the art from someone in her world and she said that she would talk to Gordon about it. She told me that Ricky was a nice man when he was not drunk but when he got drunk, he became very nasty.
The next day, Margarita met up with me again and told me that Gordon had quarrelled with Ricky. Margarita told me that Gordon had actually wanted to smash Ricky's head with a broken beer bottle and Paul had stopped him from doing that. Gordon had scolded Ricky for his harsh action on me and told him to go away from Bali and not to return to him for any help or friendship anymore.
A few days later, Heru told me that Om Paul and Tante Caroline were going back to Australia. I send them to the airport and when we had reached the airport, Paul came to meet me to thank me in Bahasa Indonesia with a foreign accent. He shook my hand. I apologised to him and Caroline for spoiling their holiday. He just smiled and looked at me, then he left Yani's body. Later, Margarita told me that Mas Anton, Ricky and herself had leased another house nearby because they did not want to burden Natalia and Gordon anymore.
There was one occasion when Heru had possessed Yani and he told me that he had commanded Yani to go far away, so that he could take over control of Yani's body permanently, to be with me permanently. I scolded him and I told him that it was not good for him to do that on Mami Yani. I told him nicely to recall Yani back but he refused. So I angrily pinched his right toe to make him obey my wished. Then he left angrily too. For a few days he did not come to meet me.
When Yani personality came back on, I asked her whether she was alright and she said that she saw herself standing at the bank of a river under a big shady tree. I told her that she was only dreaming.
When Heru met me again, he was sulking and he said that I did not love him. I explained to him again like a father and told him to listen to me if he loved me like a father. He became a good boy spirit again. I told him to kiss Yani's right hand lovingly and to say to Mami Yani, "Please forgive Heru, Mami Yani." He obeyed my instructions. From that day onward, whenever he said something bad about Yani, I would tell him to do that action and to seek forgiveness from his Mami Yani.
I had a bad misunderstanding with Yani regarding about the ways of operating the twenty-four hours food business. She was really angry with me. She reminded me that she had left her family behind for me. Then she went away for a few days to stay in one of the small hotel in Kuta. When she came back home, Natalia came to meet me and informed me that Mbak Margarita was very ill. She had drank something called 'Magic Mushroom', a drink that used poisonous mushroom that could cause hallucination and loss of self-control. People in her world had found her lying at the roadside unconscious and she was sent to the hospital for treatment. She was really ill, weak and she was bed ridden. Margarita's parents from Jakarta were in Bali to take her home.
I asked Natalia why Margarita would do that to herself and I had this intuition that she probably had interfered in my misunderstanding with Yani. I told Natalia to question her about it.
There were two occasions whereby two White individuals got themselves 'high' in that manner. One was a female, a Frenchwoman and the other one was a male, an Australian national. They came to my twenty-four hours mini-restaurant for some meals but they were totally not themselves. I told them to relax themselves and gave them some coffee to drink because I wanted to make them sober from those bad 'Magic Mushroom' influenced.
The Frenchwoman was bare footed and there was no handbag or purse with her. When I questioned her about her hotel name so that I could send her back safely, she did not comprehend or respond to my inquiry. She could speak a little 'Bahasa Indonesia' and English. Sometimes she cried and sometimes she laughed. She was like seeing something else in her mind. Sometimes she could listen to me for awhile and then she would go into another state of mind or dimension. She would talk hysterically and she was hallucinating. Then she climbed on top of the table and started to dance on the tabletop. She did not know what she was doing and she left the restaurant walking aimlessly. I tried to stop her but I could not do anything for her because she was quite aggressive and besides, she was taller and bigger size than me. I really wanted to help her but she wished to go and I could not force her to stay.
The Australian man was sobered after he drank some coffee and after I had talked to him for a few hours. I let him talked to me whatever he wished to talk about. I just listened to him. He personally told me that he took that 'Magic Mushroom' drink to experiment and experience it for himself. I sent him back to his hotel safely. He had just travelled from Thailand and he gave me 'Terminator - Judgement Day' video tape for my help. I gave him my restaurant address but he never turned up the next day or any other day after that incident.
Once a local freelance tourist guide came to my restaurant and he had asked me personally whether I could cook some omelette with the poisonous mushroom inside it for his Japanese guests. He said that his guests wanted to try it for themselves. He said that he had the poisonous mushrooms with him and he would pay handsomely for my service. I rejected his offers because I knew it was wrong to do that and I had the feeling that he was up to no good. He left in the hurry perhaps thinking that I would inform the Japanese couple myself. After that encounter, and that was my first and last encounter with a crooked freelance tourist guide, I strongly instructed and informed my restaurant staffs not to accept any offers like that and they understood very clearly why I disliked that kind of tourist guides. There were many cases whereby the tourists were duped in that manner and most of them were robbed of their personal belongings and cash, and in some cases raped were committed.
Natalia came again to see me to tell me that she had questioned Margarita about it. Natalia said that Margarita was quiet when she had questioned her. Heru came and told me that Tante Rita would be leaving for Jakarta in a stretcher on that very day in the late afternoon and she was very sick. He said that Impi Gordon had told him that, "Tante Rita is resting." I saw Heru was sad and he cried when he told me that. I felt guilty for ignoring Margarita badly and I realised that when Yani had said that she had left her family for me, it was not Yani. It was Margarita herself. Heru reminded me again that Margarita and her parents would be leaving in the late afternoon in their time frame in their world and I was sitting in the early morning thinking about Margarita. About 4.00 a.m. in the morning, I heard in the distance, near Natalia's house, dogs were barking and howling for a long time and then the noise stopped. I cried silently in my heart because Margarita had left me.
On 25th June 1994, when I had received news about my mother's death, none of them came to see me because I was in mourning. A few days later, Heru came to meet me and he told me that Natalia felt sad and she had cried for me. Gordon felt sympathetic for me too. Then I asked Heru, "Heru, did you meet Papi's mother soul in Heru's world?" He was confused and he wanted to say something but he stopped short, "No, Papi." I wanted to ask him more but he did not want to answer my question and then he left without another word. I began to read the Holy Qur'an to make myself peaceful and to seek guidance from Allah; and to pray for my mother soul to be in peace with Allah.
A few days later, Heru met up with me and said that Impi Gordon was reading the thick Holy Bible just like the Holy Qur'an that I was reading. Then, Heru told me that they had worn nice and good clothings on Sunday to attend Church Service. Heru was very happy to see me again. Then he sang all the songs that Immi Natalia had taught him. He was really happy singing the children gospel songs too. I listened to him sang all those Christian children songs with happiness too.
Heru will give all Heru's toys for little brother to play with."
Heru's promise to me when Yani was about six months into her pregnancy.
(Bali, 1995).
Later, Heru informed me that Kakak's parents went to Jakarta to work there. Kakak would be alone in Bali with Mbah, her old maid, for awhile until such time when Kakak would join them to live together with her parents in Jakarta. In the meantime, the house monthly bills in their world were taken cared of by Kakak's uncle who was staying in other part of Bali. Later, Heru had informed me that Kakak's parents had failed to pay Mbah's her 'monthly salary' and sometimes Heru told me that Mbah was hungry. I felt sorry for her so I told Heru to tell Mbah to take the money that I had placed inside the small drawer for her to buy some food for herself. Heru met up with me later to convey to me, "Mbah say, 'Thank you' Papi." Later I checked the small drawer, the money was gone. Heru told me that Mbah told him that once she had children, a long time ago. They were all grown up. They had their own life now and she had her own life now. Then one day Natalia decided to take Mbah to live with her because Natalia needed her helped in taking care of Soni, Heru and the house work.
Heru told me that Gordon had opened up a shop at Nusa Dua, selling T-Shirts, Shorts and other clothing materials. He said that Soni would usually follow Gordon to the shop. Natalia was learning to cook and doing housework or reading novel books. He said that Natalia loved to cook hot dishes and Gordon would always grumble of her cooking because he disliked eating chillied hot dishes.
Heru said that cousin Henry had send a remote control toy airplane from New Zealand for Budi, Soni and himself to play with but Natalia had kept the remote control airplane after it accidentally got stcuk on a tree.
Heru also informed me that Budi's eyes were very small and he demonstrated it to me by pulling back at the side of his eyes to show how small it was as though like a Japanese eyes or features. I laughed when he did that demonstration. Was Heru trying to tell me that Budi was a Japaneses soul?
Heru always said to me that he wanted to be like me. He wanted to have black hair and Asian colour skin instead of his Caucasian features. He loved to be called 'Anak Indonesia' or Children of Indonesia because most of the spirits in his world thought that he was a tourist and each time they would talk to him like this, "Kamu tamu ya?" (You are a tourist ya?) and he would reply them, "Ngak. Saya anak Indonesia." (No. I'm Indonesia Child).
I had treated Margarita quite badly and I hated to have intimacy relationship with her. She said that I had ignored her while in her spirit world the White souls in Bali were treating her very well. Though I had treated her that way, Yani began to wear two gold rings on her left hand fourth finger. When I asked Yani why she wore it in that manner, she said that she just felt like wearing two gold rings on her fourth finger. But I knew what it meant because Margarita wanted to remind me about her status to me and furthermore, back in Jakarta at Hotel Danau Toba, she had promised me that she would try to do something about the wedding ring. She had fulfilled her promised to me but I was the wicked one and not Margarita.
It seemed that Margarita and the others could actually make Yani ignorant of her strange behaviours or they could have total control of Yani if they wished too. Yani seemed to behave more like them and having their characteristics rather than her own. I would not know whether Yani was Yani or them anymore because they could come and go silently without my knowledge.
Yani began to ask me question. She asked me, "What will you do if you are an orphan and then later you found out about your biological father identity? I told her that most probably I would look for him. Then she asked me, "You think its alright?" I replied affirmative. Then she told me, "What if I tell you that I know my biological father identity?" I just looked at her in amazement because I thought that Pak Sardi was her biological father. She told me that Lek Mim had told her about it and she was also so shocked to learn about the truth. But she said that whatever had happened, she would still regard Pak Sardi as her true father. I had no idea why Lek Mim had decided to talk to Yani about her biological father identity after all that years that had passed. She had told Yani that it was meant to be a family secret. That was the time I had discovered about Yani's real father identity. He was an officer in the Indonesian Police Force in Madiun. Yani told me that she would like to meet him later and talked to him but that never took place. Somewhere in 1995, she went back to Madiun but she did not manage to meet him personally because he was already married and he had a family too. She said that he was not around and her mother, the wife of her biological father, did not see her as her daughter.
One day, Yani asked me this question. "Dee Dee, what happened if I'm pregnant, and later I give birth to a white boy?" I was too shocked to hear that questioned. I asked her why she said that statement. She said that she had dreamt many times about a white boy. This little boy is cute. He can make himself small, smaller and smallest." I laughed when I heard her said that. So when Heru came to meet me after that, I had asked him exactly why he had seen his Mami in her dream. He said that Mami Yani loved little children and like to meet her. I asked him what he had done. He said that he had always made her see him in her dream so that they could be like a Mami and a son.
Later, Heru always drew pictures of a house, with three stick like figures with the genitals exposed. Then he would explain to me about his drawings. The female figure was supposedly Mami Yani and the male figure was me. The little child in the middle of Mami Yani and Papi, was himself, Heru. All of us were holding hands.
Once, Yani saw the drawings, she asked me whether I drew those pictures. I denied it and I told her that it was herself who had drawn those pictures. She was puzzled and she asked me again. Then I decided to tell a white lie to her that I drew those pictures. She commented that my drawings was horrible because it was like a child's drawing. I had remembered and kept my promised to them.
I taught Heru some children songs and later he sang some Christian children songs that he said Natalia had taught him. He loved to pray a Muslim prayer everynight before we went to sleep. The prayer was Surah (Chapter) One, Fatiha, or the Opening Chapter of the Al Qur'an. He hated it sometimes too when he felt too tired or too sleepy and normally I would insist that he completed the verse before he went to sleep. When that happened, he would recite it as fast as he could and I would normally allow him to do that just because he was just a little child (spirit).
He loved Walt Disney cartoons too. His favourites were Miki Tikus (Mickey Mouse) and Donald Bebek (Duck). He loved watching Home Alone (Part One). He would tell me that he was that small little boy and he wished to have that kind of hair style with the front fringe covering his left eye. At one time we were watching the movie "The Fireball" and there was one statement that he heard the little girl shouted in the movie, "My Mother is dead! My Father is dead!" Numerous times after that he repeated that statement to me wildly and I had to stopped him. Then he quiet down and he desist using that statement after I had strongly insisted him not to make that statement into a habit. It was not nice to hear.
One day, Heru had informed me that Impi Gordon's good friends, Om Paul and Tante Caroline, from Australia came to Bali for a visit. They would be in Bali for a holiday and he said that Tante Caroline had called him a Genius. He had difficulty in pronouncing the word and I had to correct him uttering that word. Heru queried me about the meaning and I explained it to him. He was so happy to hear the meaning and from that day onward, I called him "Kancil" or mouse deer. But later he did not like the pet name kancil because the rest started to call him by that name too and he sort of like sulkingly blamed me for making the rest to tease him by that pet name.
Then after a few days later, Heru told me that Tante Caroline had invited him to follow her back to Australia. Heru asked me if I would mind if he followed her and stay in Australia. I said "No" but I told him that in Australia there were many bad people there. Heru was afraid of going there after he heard what I had mentioned to him. Indirectly, I felt that if he went away, I would miss him very much.
I asked him whether there were many good people in his world if compared to the physical world. He said that he liked the physical world more than his own world because there were many good people in the physical world than his own world.
Heru had always mentioned to me that Om Ricky loved to see Yani wore sexy attires and he found Yani very pretty. He told me that Om Ricky would always drop by the house to see him and Yani. I had an impression that Ricky was falling in love with Yani from the way Heru had informed me. Heru told me that Om Ricky disliked my character because I had Margarita as my 'wife' in the world of the spirit and he also disliked me because I sort of neglected Margarita. He felt that it was unfair for Yani and Margarita to be treated by me in that way.
I met Ricky one evening through Yani. He spoke to me slowly in Bahasa Indonesia with a foreign accent. He highlighted to me about treating Margarita badly and being unfaithful towards Yani without her knowledge. I listened to him but I told him that I had regarded him like a brother too because he was Gordon's cousin. He replied that he had also regarded me like his brother too or else he would have taken Yani to his world. He was like drunk when he met up with me through Yani.
Then one evening, while Yani was sleeping, she began calling Ricky's name. Lek Mim and I heard it so we went to the bedroom to see what was the matter with Yani. Adi was at the mini-restaurant, taking care of the food business. In her sleep, she was calling for Ricky and crying for him not to leave her. Her eyes were opened and we could see the tears in her eyes. She was pleading with Ricky to take her away with him and it seemed that she had difficulty in breathing too. I spoke to her but she could not wake up from her sleep and she was still seeing something or someone in her sleep. Lek Mim was worried and I too was worried because Yani was actually reaching for someone invisible. Her upper body kept going up and down to reach something with her hands. We knew she was not acting because her breathing became weaker and weaker as we watched helplessly. I nearly gave up hoped because I could not wake her up even though I had poured some water on her face.
A few months before I fled from Singapore, I had a pen talisman that was loan to me by a Malay martial art master, who had lived at Haig Road. He told me that this talisman was a loan to me and after I had no need of its used, I should return to him the pen talisman. His name was Pak Hosni. He said that it was meant for my protection and also for my business.
This pen talisman has Quranic verses written on its copper exterior casing and when I opened it by pulling both ends of the pen apart, separating it in the middle, there were two sharp Kris liked blades from both sides of the pen. (Please take note, this pen could be smuggle inside the bag or inside the pocket without being traced by the security while boarding an aeroplane. I had tried it in the past during my constant visit to Jakarta. It was easily found in Indonesia, especially in Jakarta, Quitang district, The Quitang Mosque. Pak Hosni had received this talisman from someone in that mosque).
I took out that pen talisman from my wardrobe and let Yani held it in her hands. She became quieter and more relax. I told Lek Mim that a spirit from the unseen world was disturbing Yani. She just listened to me without commenting a word.
Yani then in her naive-hypnotised state of mind suddenly woke up and told us this, "I've just dreamt the most wonderful dream. I was walking towards a place where I saw many people waiting for me at a wedding function and I was wearing a wedding gown. It was like I was getting married and there was a big celebration for me. There were so many people there waiting for me and I felt so happy. Then I met my deceased Grandmother. She saw me and I was so happy to see her. She was reading a document but then she tore it in front of me, saying that it was not the time yet." Then I asked Yani what had happened after that but she went back to sleep.
We let her sleep and I looked at Lek Mim. She was also puzzled with Yani's strange dream. In my mind, I had this assumption that maybe it was the worked of Ricky because Yani was calling for him.
After about fifteen minutes, Yani woke up from her sleep and I questioned her about her dream but she had no recollection of it. I asked her about Ricky, whether she knew anybody by that name, She denied it. I knew Lek Mim had told Yani privately about the incident she had witnessed but Yani would disbelieve it and she would comment it as only a dream. Lek Mim would be unable to convince Yani that it was not a dream. I did not talk to them about it anymore and later that night when Heru came to meet me, I told him to call for Margarita to meet me.
Margarita came and I told her about what had happened to Yani. I told her that Ricky had tried to take Yani to the spirit world. She told me that probably Ricky had learned the art from someone in her world and she said that she would talk to Gordon about it. She told me that Ricky was a nice man when he was not drunk but when he got drunk, he became very nasty.
The next day, Margarita met up with me again and told me that Gordon had quarrelled with Ricky. Margarita told me that Gordon had actually wanted to smash Ricky's head with a broken beer bottle and Paul had stopped him from doing that. Gordon had scolded Ricky for his harsh action on me and told him to go away from Bali and not to return to him for any help or friendship anymore.
A few days later, Heru told me that Om Paul and Tante Caroline were going back to Australia. I send them to the airport and when we had reached the airport, Paul came to meet me to thank me in Bahasa Indonesia with a foreign accent. He shook my hand. I apologised to him and Caroline for spoiling their holiday. He just smiled and looked at me, then he left Yani's body. Later, Margarita told me that Mas Anton, Ricky and herself had leased another house nearby because they did not want to burden Natalia and Gordon anymore.
There was one occasion when Heru had possessed Yani and he told me that he had commanded Yani to go far away, so that he could take over control of Yani's body permanently, to be with me permanently. I scolded him and I told him that it was not good for him to do that on Mami Yani. I told him nicely to recall Yani back but he refused. So I angrily pinched his right toe to make him obey my wished. Then he left angrily too. For a few days he did not come to meet me.
When Yani personality came back on, I asked her whether she was alright and she said that she saw herself standing at the bank of a river under a big shady tree. I told her that she was only dreaming.
When Heru met me again, he was sulking and he said that I did not love him. I explained to him again like a father and told him to listen to me if he loved me like a father. He became a good boy spirit again. I told him to kiss Yani's right hand lovingly and to say to Mami Yani, "Please forgive Heru, Mami Yani." He obeyed my instructions. From that day onward, whenever he said something bad about Yani, I would tell him to do that action and to seek forgiveness from his Mami Yani.
I had a bad misunderstanding with Yani regarding about the ways of operating the twenty-four hours food business. She was really angry with me. She reminded me that she had left her family behind for me. Then she went away for a few days to stay in one of the small hotel in Kuta. When she came back home, Natalia came to meet me and informed me that Mbak Margarita was very ill. She had drank something called 'Magic Mushroom', a drink that used poisonous mushroom that could cause hallucination and loss of self-control. People in her world had found her lying at the roadside unconscious and she was sent to the hospital for treatment. She was really ill, weak and she was bed ridden. Margarita's parents from Jakarta were in Bali to take her home.
I asked Natalia why Margarita would do that to herself and I had this intuition that she probably had interfered in my misunderstanding with Yani. I told Natalia to question her about it.
There were two occasions whereby two White individuals got themselves 'high' in that manner. One was a female, a Frenchwoman and the other one was a male, an Australian national. They came to my twenty-four hours mini-restaurant for some meals but they were totally not themselves. I told them to relax themselves and gave them some coffee to drink because I wanted to make them sober from those bad 'Magic Mushroom' influenced.
The Frenchwoman was bare footed and there was no handbag or purse with her. When I questioned her about her hotel name so that I could send her back safely, she did not comprehend or respond to my inquiry. She could speak a little 'Bahasa Indonesia' and English. Sometimes she cried and sometimes she laughed. She was like seeing something else in her mind. Sometimes she could listen to me for awhile and then she would go into another state of mind or dimension. She would talk hysterically and she was hallucinating. Then she climbed on top of the table and started to dance on the tabletop. She did not know what she was doing and she left the restaurant walking aimlessly. I tried to stop her but I could not do anything for her because she was quite aggressive and besides, she was taller and bigger size than me. I really wanted to help her but she wished to go and I could not force her to stay.
The Australian man was sobered after he drank some coffee and after I had talked to him for a few hours. I let him talked to me whatever he wished to talk about. I just listened to him. He personally told me that he took that 'Magic Mushroom' drink to experiment and experience it for himself. I sent him back to his hotel safely. He had just travelled from Thailand and he gave me 'Terminator - Judgement Day' video tape for my help. I gave him my restaurant address but he never turned up the next day or any other day after that incident.
Once a local freelance tourist guide came to my restaurant and he had asked me personally whether I could cook some omelette with the poisonous mushroom inside it for his Japanese guests. He said that his guests wanted to try it for themselves. He said that he had the poisonous mushrooms with him and he would pay handsomely for my service. I rejected his offers because I knew it was wrong to do that and I had the feeling that he was up to no good. He left in the hurry perhaps thinking that I would inform the Japanese couple myself. After that encounter, and that was my first and last encounter with a crooked freelance tourist guide, I strongly instructed and informed my restaurant staffs not to accept any offers like that and they understood very clearly why I disliked that kind of tourist guides. There were many cases whereby the tourists were duped in that manner and most of them were robbed of their personal belongings and cash, and in some cases raped were committed.
Natalia came again to see me to tell me that she had questioned Margarita about it. Natalia said that Margarita was quiet when she had questioned her. Heru came and told me that Tante Rita would be leaving for Jakarta in a stretcher on that very day in the late afternoon and she was very sick. He said that Impi Gordon had told him that, "Tante Rita is resting." I saw Heru was sad and he cried when he told me that. I felt guilty for ignoring Margarita badly and I realised that when Yani had said that she had left her family for me, it was not Yani. It was Margarita herself. Heru reminded me again that Margarita and her parents would be leaving in the late afternoon in their time frame in their world and I was sitting in the early morning thinking about Margarita. About 4.00 a.m. in the morning, I heard in the distance, near Natalia's house, dogs were barking and howling for a long time and then the noise stopped. I cried silently in my heart because Margarita had left me.
On 25th June 1994, when I had received news about my mother's death, none of them came to see me because I was in mourning. A few days later, Heru came to meet me and he told me that Natalia felt sad and she had cried for me. Gordon felt sympathetic for me too. Then I asked Heru, "Heru, did you meet Papi's mother soul in Heru's world?" He was confused and he wanted to say something but he stopped short, "No, Papi." I wanted to ask him more but he did not want to answer my question and then he left without another word. I began to read the Holy Qur'an to make myself peaceful and to seek guidance from Allah; and to pray for my mother soul to be in peace with Allah.
A few days later, Heru met up with me and said that Impi Gordon was reading the thick Holy Bible just like the Holy Qur'an that I was reading. Then, Heru told me that they had worn nice and good clothings on Sunday to attend Church Service. Heru was very happy to see me again. Then he sang all the songs that Immi Natalia had taught him. He was really happy singing the children gospel songs too. I listened to him sang all those Christian children songs with happiness too.
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Five
HERU AND I
"'Annie kata Papi nya pakai tali-dasi dan bawa tas ke kantor nya. Kerjanya tulis-tulis.' Papi, Heru mau Papi kerja kayak Papi Annie."
"'Annie says that her father wears a neck-tie and carries briefcase to his office. His occupation is to write and write.' Papi, I want you to be like Annie's father."
Heru remarked about his friend's father (1995, Bali)
One day in January 1994, Heru came to meet me and sulkingly he had complained to me that Soni had disallowed him to pedal the tricycle. Most of the time he had to sit behind as a passenger. He disliked being a passenger and he was not happy. He said that Natalia would always tell him to submit to Soni because Soni was supposedly slightly older than him. I listened to him and laughed. I told him that maybe Soni need to pedal more than him because it was a good form of exercise for Soni after the surgery. He listened to my explanation and told me that he would prefer to talk to me. Most of the time I would think about him, for instance, where he was and what he was doing, what the rest are doing and how they were getting on with their life. He loved to spend time with me because I was very accommodating towards him and I did not like to scold him too. He asked me whether I would mind if he came to meet me everyday and I told him that it was alright. I taught him to sing some children songs and he loved to sing.
Heru started to follow me to the our mini-restaurant business together.
Every morning, Heru would shake my nose lightly to wake me up to get ready to go to work. He said that whenever we passed by Natalia's house, they would ask him where he was going and he would reply to them, "I'm going for business!" I laughed when he told me that. So, every morning, after Yani and I had entered the car, I would say like this to Yani, "Are you ready?" Yani would reply, "Yes!" But then I would ask her again and looked at her, "Are you ready? Yani would look at me with her puzzled expression and reply again "Yes!" I would ask this a couple of time until I heard Heru himself replied to me "Yes!" with his smile with the tip of his tongue sticking out from his mouth. He looked cute and happy whenever he did that. Then I would drive off for work. Sometimes, before Yani could even asked me why I had asked her each time whether she was ready, Heru would just come in and take over her body to reply "Yes! Ready!." Yani would never remember what had taken place earlier on after that.
At the mini-restaurant, he would turn up for his meal time too and he would tell me that he had been to the next door shop to make friends with the spirits that were there. I remembered the first time he followed me, he said to me that Natalia and Gordon had warned him to behave. He also told me that Gordon had told him to tell me this, "If Om Bi ask you to do anything for him, tell Om Bi that Heru cannot do anything and Heru do not know anything because Heru is still small." When I heard that I laughed at him and in my mind, I knew what Gordon had meant with that statement. He was afraid that I would use Heru's help to influence the minds of passer-by to patronise my mini-restaurant. I never did that and I never requested Heru or anyone of them to do that for me because I knew it was not ethical and professional. Furthermore, I was taught in my Islamic faith that it was sinful if I had done so. (Just for your information, many Malays, Indonesians, Chinese and others in South-East Asia believed that the spirits could help them in their business.) Everytime, when I returned home, I would stop in front of Natalia's house to drop Heru off. Yani would be like in a dazed after a few seconds, I would lightly shake her hand to awaken her. The strange thing was, everytime when I stopped in front of Natalia's house, the dogs in the nearby houses would bark and howl or the dogs outside the house would crowd around the car to bark and howl at us.
Heru told me that he had started to address Natalia as "Immi", Gordon as "Impi", Margarita as "Tante (Aunt) Rita or Tante 'Gendut' (means Fat Aunt), Mas Anton as "Om Anton", Ricky as "Om Ricky", Kakak's old maid as "Mbah" and Yani as "Tante Yani". He said that each time when he called Margarita "Tante Gendut", she would chase after him but he could outrun her and she would be very angry with him.
Heru informed me that Budi had already begun to attend the SD (Sekolah Dasar or Primary School) within the housing estate. He also told me that Soni and him slept together with Natalia and Gordon. They had a very comfortable bed unlike mine. He always asked me to buy a bed similar to the one at Natalia's house. He said that they had air-conditioning at their house. Each time when "Immi" and "Impi" made loved he felf ashamed. Soni and him would close their eyes with their hands pretending to sleep but at the same time peeping in between their fingers. I laughed together with him when I heard him said that. Heru loved to draw Natalia's and Gordon's stick-like naked bodies with their genitals exposed. I laughed when he explained to me about their genitals.
He said that Margarita, Ricky and Mas Anton always went to nightclubs or discotheques.
He said that Gordon had cut his hair short GI style and he had taken off his earing. When I asked him why, he said that Gordon told him that he was already married and he must be like a good father. He told me that Gordon was very tall and he had a beard before but had shaven it off too because Natalia had wanted him to look more younger.
Heru loved to eat with me and when he happened to eat hot-chillied dishes, he would cry and drink plenty of water or he would eat some sugars to lessen his hot taste buds. He loved me to spoon fed him too because he loved my attention for him but most of the time he would like to use a spoon to feed himself. He would grabbed the handle of the spoon like a child would instead of holding it like adults do. He loved eating potato chips and he disliked to eat mashed potatoes that Gordon had prepared with the mushroom sauce because he said that it look liked shits. He said that each time when he uttered the word 'Shit', Gordon would be angry and chased him but he always manage to escape from Gordon by hiding under the bed at their home. Basically, Heru loved to eat.
He disliked drinking milk and he felt like vomitting when he drank it. He disliked the smell of milk because to him it smell like a smelly feet.
Heru loved to go swimming and usually Budi, Soni and the others would join us. He loved to go to many places together with me and we would be talking while I was driving the car. Each time when we drove passed the Bali Ngurah Rai International airport, when he saw Qantas or Air New Zealand Airlines, he would shout out happily, "Kuantas! That's 'Australi' airline, Mimpi Gordon country airlines or that's Air Nuzelan airline, 'cousin' Henry's country airline." I had taught him to recognise the logos of those airlines. Heru loved aeroplanes very much and he loved to fly on board an aeroplane too.
Heru said that each time Mbah prostrated on the praying mattress during her prayers, he would jump onto her back and she would be angry with him.
Mbah would always carry him home to Natalia's house when he spend the time with me at my house in the evening. Each time when Heru decided to return home, there would be dogs barking and howling, eventhough when I looked outside from the window, there was nobody around to be seen.
One day Heru asked me, "Om Bi, do you know my Papi and Mami?" I did not know how to answer him, so I lied to him and said 'yes' to him. Then he asked, "Are they good or bad?" I was not prepared for this kind of question from him, so I lied to him, "They are good." He queried further, "If they are good, why they left Heru?" I told him, "They never left Heru but they went to Australia for work to earn a lot of money and after they have a lot of money, they will come back to take care of Heru." I asked him why he asked all these questions. He said, "My friends always call me a step child or a bastard child. What is a step child and what is a bastard child means, Om Bi?" I could not answer him and I told him not to listen to his friends' teasing. Then he asked again, "Om Bi, will my Mami and Papi come back for Heru again because if they don't, later when Heru has grown bigger, Heru will look for them in 'Australi'. I lied to him that his parents would return home one day for him and I remained silent because of his questions. Then Heru said, "Om Bi, Heru have no Papi. Can Heru call Om Bi, Papi?" I wanted him to be happy so I let him called me 'Papi'. Then he asked me, "Papi, Heru never 'nen-nen' (breast feeding) before because Heru's Mami never gives Heru to 'nen-nen'. Can Papi gives Heru to 'nen-nen'?" I was so surprised with his requests but I wanted him to be happy and forget about his parents. I agreed to give Heru to 'nen-nen' and he wanted to suckle my nipple but I told him that I felt ticklish, so instead I gave him to suckle one of my ear lobe and he was very pleased with it.
That day was the day I became like a father to Heru and he called me 'Papi' until the day I was deported to Singapore. I let him to suckle my ear lobe everytime when he wanted to go to sleep and he was always with me from that day onward. I also told him to called Yani 'Mami' instead of 'Tante' and he should regard Yani like his own mother too. When Budi and Soni wanted to call me 'Papi' too, he disallowed it but I did not mind if they wanted to call me by that name too. Heru adamantly disallowed it.
Once Heru asked me this, "Papi, why is it Heru is err..err..err..here and Papi over there?" He had difficulty in asking me this question because he did not know how to explain it to me. I understood his questioned. What he meant was why was it that he was in another world, an unseen world whereas I was in another world, the physical world. I answered him, "Well, if God were to make all of us in the same world, the world would be full and congested. That is why God created two worlds for us." He thought about it and then naively laughed at my answer to him and said, "Ya! He..he..he..If God put all of us in the same world, the world would be full and congested..he..he..he" Then he said, "How nice if Heru can be with Papi so that Heru can always be near Papi and Heru don't have to meet Papi through Mami Yani."
"'Annie kata Papi nya pakai tali-dasi dan bawa tas ke kantor nya. Kerjanya tulis-tulis.' Papi, Heru mau Papi kerja kayak Papi Annie."
"'Annie says that her father wears a neck-tie and carries briefcase to his office. His occupation is to write and write.' Papi, I want you to be like Annie's father."
Heru remarked about his friend's father (1995, Bali)
One day in January 1994, Heru came to meet me and sulkingly he had complained to me that Soni had disallowed him to pedal the tricycle. Most of the time he had to sit behind as a passenger. He disliked being a passenger and he was not happy. He said that Natalia would always tell him to submit to Soni because Soni was supposedly slightly older than him. I listened to him and laughed. I told him that maybe Soni need to pedal more than him because it was a good form of exercise for Soni after the surgery. He listened to my explanation and told me that he would prefer to talk to me. Most of the time I would think about him, for instance, where he was and what he was doing, what the rest are doing and how they were getting on with their life. He loved to spend time with me because I was very accommodating towards him and I did not like to scold him too. He asked me whether I would mind if he came to meet me everyday and I told him that it was alright. I taught him to sing some children songs and he loved to sing.
Heru started to follow me to the our mini-restaurant business together.
Every morning, Heru would shake my nose lightly to wake me up to get ready to go to work. He said that whenever we passed by Natalia's house, they would ask him where he was going and he would reply to them, "I'm going for business!" I laughed when he told me that. So, every morning, after Yani and I had entered the car, I would say like this to Yani, "Are you ready?" Yani would reply, "Yes!" But then I would ask her again and looked at her, "Are you ready? Yani would look at me with her puzzled expression and reply again "Yes!" I would ask this a couple of time until I heard Heru himself replied to me "Yes!" with his smile with the tip of his tongue sticking out from his mouth. He looked cute and happy whenever he did that. Then I would drive off for work. Sometimes, before Yani could even asked me why I had asked her each time whether she was ready, Heru would just come in and take over her body to reply "Yes! Ready!." Yani would never remember what had taken place earlier on after that.
At the mini-restaurant, he would turn up for his meal time too and he would tell me that he had been to the next door shop to make friends with the spirits that were there. I remembered the first time he followed me, he said to me that Natalia and Gordon had warned him to behave. He also told me that Gordon had told him to tell me this, "If Om Bi ask you to do anything for him, tell Om Bi that Heru cannot do anything and Heru do not know anything because Heru is still small." When I heard that I laughed at him and in my mind, I knew what Gordon had meant with that statement. He was afraid that I would use Heru's help to influence the minds of passer-by to patronise my mini-restaurant. I never did that and I never requested Heru or anyone of them to do that for me because I knew it was not ethical and professional. Furthermore, I was taught in my Islamic faith that it was sinful if I had done so. (Just for your information, many Malays, Indonesians, Chinese and others in South-East Asia believed that the spirits could help them in their business.) Everytime, when I returned home, I would stop in front of Natalia's house to drop Heru off. Yani would be like in a dazed after a few seconds, I would lightly shake her hand to awaken her. The strange thing was, everytime when I stopped in front of Natalia's house, the dogs in the nearby houses would bark and howl or the dogs outside the house would crowd around the car to bark and howl at us.
Heru told me that he had started to address Natalia as "Immi", Gordon as "Impi", Margarita as "Tante (Aunt) Rita or Tante 'Gendut' (means Fat Aunt), Mas Anton as "Om Anton", Ricky as "Om Ricky", Kakak's old maid as "Mbah" and Yani as "Tante Yani". He said that each time when he called Margarita "Tante Gendut", she would chase after him but he could outrun her and she would be very angry with him.
Heru informed me that Budi had already begun to attend the SD (Sekolah Dasar or Primary School) within the housing estate. He also told me that Soni and him slept together with Natalia and Gordon. They had a very comfortable bed unlike mine. He always asked me to buy a bed similar to the one at Natalia's house. He said that they had air-conditioning at their house. Each time when "Immi" and "Impi" made loved he felf ashamed. Soni and him would close their eyes with their hands pretending to sleep but at the same time peeping in between their fingers. I laughed together with him when I heard him said that. Heru loved to draw Natalia's and Gordon's stick-like naked bodies with their genitals exposed. I laughed when he explained to me about their genitals.
He said that Margarita, Ricky and Mas Anton always went to nightclubs or discotheques.
He said that Gordon had cut his hair short GI style and he had taken off his earing. When I asked him why, he said that Gordon told him that he was already married and he must be like a good father. He told me that Gordon was very tall and he had a beard before but had shaven it off too because Natalia had wanted him to look more younger.
Heru loved to eat with me and when he happened to eat hot-chillied dishes, he would cry and drink plenty of water or he would eat some sugars to lessen his hot taste buds. He loved me to spoon fed him too because he loved my attention for him but most of the time he would like to use a spoon to feed himself. He would grabbed the handle of the spoon like a child would instead of holding it like adults do. He loved eating potato chips and he disliked to eat mashed potatoes that Gordon had prepared with the mushroom sauce because he said that it look liked shits. He said that each time when he uttered the word 'Shit', Gordon would be angry and chased him but he always manage to escape from Gordon by hiding under the bed at their home. Basically, Heru loved to eat.
He disliked drinking milk and he felt like vomitting when he drank it. He disliked the smell of milk because to him it smell like a smelly feet.
Heru loved to go swimming and usually Budi, Soni and the others would join us. He loved to go to many places together with me and we would be talking while I was driving the car. Each time when we drove passed the Bali Ngurah Rai International airport, when he saw Qantas or Air New Zealand Airlines, he would shout out happily, "Kuantas! That's 'Australi' airline, Mimpi Gordon country airlines or that's Air Nuzelan airline, 'cousin' Henry's country airline." I had taught him to recognise the logos of those airlines. Heru loved aeroplanes very much and he loved to fly on board an aeroplane too.
Heru said that each time Mbah prostrated on the praying mattress during her prayers, he would jump onto her back and she would be angry with him.
Mbah would always carry him home to Natalia's house when he spend the time with me at my house in the evening. Each time when Heru decided to return home, there would be dogs barking and howling, eventhough when I looked outside from the window, there was nobody around to be seen.
One day Heru asked me, "Om Bi, do you know my Papi and Mami?" I did not know how to answer him, so I lied to him and said 'yes' to him. Then he asked, "Are they good or bad?" I was not prepared for this kind of question from him, so I lied to him, "They are good." He queried further, "If they are good, why they left Heru?" I told him, "They never left Heru but they went to Australia for work to earn a lot of money and after they have a lot of money, they will come back to take care of Heru." I asked him why he asked all these questions. He said, "My friends always call me a step child or a bastard child. What is a step child and what is a bastard child means, Om Bi?" I could not answer him and I told him not to listen to his friends' teasing. Then he asked again, "Om Bi, will my Mami and Papi come back for Heru again because if they don't, later when Heru has grown bigger, Heru will look for them in 'Australi'. I lied to him that his parents would return home one day for him and I remained silent because of his questions. Then Heru said, "Om Bi, Heru have no Papi. Can Heru call Om Bi, Papi?" I wanted him to be happy so I let him called me 'Papi'. Then he asked me, "Papi, Heru never 'nen-nen' (breast feeding) before because Heru's Mami never gives Heru to 'nen-nen'. Can Papi gives Heru to 'nen-nen'?" I was so surprised with his requests but I wanted him to be happy and forget about his parents. I agreed to give Heru to 'nen-nen' and he wanted to suckle my nipple but I told him that I felt ticklish, so instead I gave him to suckle one of my ear lobe and he was very pleased with it.
That day was the day I became like a father to Heru and he called me 'Papi' until the day I was deported to Singapore. I let him to suckle my ear lobe everytime when he wanted to go to sleep and he was always with me from that day onward. I also told him to called Yani 'Mami' instead of 'Tante' and he should regard Yani like his own mother too. When Budi and Soni wanted to call me 'Papi' too, he disallowed it but I did not mind if they wanted to call me by that name too. Heru adamantly disallowed it.
Once Heru asked me this, "Papi, why is it Heru is err..err..err..here and Papi over there?" He had difficulty in asking me this question because he did not know how to explain it to me. I understood his questioned. What he meant was why was it that he was in another world, an unseen world whereas I was in another world, the physical world. I answered him, "Well, if God were to make all of us in the same world, the world would be full and congested. That is why God created two worlds for us." He thought about it and then naively laughed at my answer to him and said, "Ya! He..he..he..If God put all of us in the same world, the world would be full and congested..he..he..he" Then he said, "How nice if Heru can be with Papi so that Heru can always be near Papi and Heru don't have to meet Papi through Mami Yani."
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Four
THE LOVE WE SHARED
If you feel my love,
Then show it to my world and yours,
That we are not nothing.
We have feelings too.
Our Love is like I Love You.
If you wish to know my love,
Then show it to the world
Our love for them too.
We say 'Goodbye' because We must
But that doesn't mean We must.
If you feel me now,
Please forgive me now.
For I came so far to say to you,
I love you and please love life,
The way I love you now.
Prayers of the souls from near you
(The above text is written by automatic writing technique only today and now as I conclude this chapter. You can feel them within your heart and see them within your mind. They are near you.)
Natalia came to meet me in the early period of November just to chat about general matters pertaining to their new home and how they were doing. I was talking to her about the boys and then a thought came to me about the boys' age and also about their birth date. So I told Natalia, "Why not have a birthday celebration and party for Budi, Soni and Heru. I thought about it and I told Natalia to make those boys wondered about having the dates of their birth the same, so that they could celebrate it together and to celebrate it as soon as possible. It was also a good way for them to know their neighbours and a house warming invitation for them. Natalia was very happy with the idea. And the 14th of November, was the birthday celebration for Budi, Soni and Heru. I knew it was good for them to know and experience what it was like to have friends coming over to their birthday party and having numerous friends talking and playing with them.
It was a grand party and it was just like they had wanted. I was very pleased with their birthday celebration and Natalia told me that Gordon had invited all their neighbours and friends to attend the birthday party for the boys. He had specially invited a clown to play and entertaining the children. Budi, Soni and Heru had a great time. They loved meeting children and having them over to play games with their new friends. Natalia told me that the boys had received many presents and Gordon was thrilled to have his friends to celebrate together with him and his family. Margarita, Mas Anton and Ricky were there too to make the occasion more lively and fun for the guests. That was the information I had gathered from Natalia, Margarita, Mas Anton.
The boys were still unavailable for me to talk to for reasons I did not know until one day when Heru told me that they were told by Natalia and Gordon not to disturb Yani and I, because Natalia had told them that Yani and I were too busy and exhausted to talk to them. I found out from Heru too that Natalia had warned them of going to my new home because she did not want Kakak's family to be disturbed by them. They were also afraid of going into my new home because they did not know Kakak's family but they usually walked past outside my house just to peek and see who were or was inside it.
The first time I met Heru in my new home was in the early period of December 1993. Heru said that he had made himself brave to approach Kakak. He narrated to me what he had done and said.
He had knocked on the door and at the same time calling out, 'Permisi! Permisi! (Excuse me! Excuse me)' loudly. Then Kakak opened the door. Then he spoke to her like this,"Permisi. Saya datang untuk berjumpa dengan Om Bi. Boleh nggak?" In English, he said, "Excuse me. I've come to meet my uncle Bi. Can or cannot?" Kakak asked him who he was and he had introduced himself to her and she replied to him, "Oh! Boleh. Kamu boleh jumpa Om kamu" (Oh! Can. You can meet your uncle.)'.
Heru said that Kakak had commented that he looked very cute and she had slightly pinched his chubby cheek. And they became good with each other like a big sister and a little brother. From that day onward, Heru came very often to meet me. Then Budi and Soni came to meet me too. They said that their birthday celebration was very good and they had a wonderful time. They loved receiving presents from their friends. It was their way to thank me for showing my love for them too.
One thing I noticed when I spoke to Heru and Soni, they seemed to have developed their communication skills with me though they sometimes found it hard to express or explain things to me. They seemed to have grown up much faster in their spirit world if compared to the physical world babies and children.
I remembered teaching Heru to nod his head as he listened to the songs or music. He loved that and I also taught Budi, Soni and Heru to raise their hands and sway their hands side to side when they danced. They loved raggae songs and music.
I remembered looking at Soni danced slowly with his legs kicking right to left and left to right. He stepped forward and backward in goodstead. I was happy for him though when he walked, he still had to move slowly. He would bring one foot at a time and then he would move forward. Heru mentioned that when Soni ran slowly, he would skip and sometimes he ran like a horse.
Margarita told me that Heru loved to meet me because he felt like an adult. He liked to be seen like a grown-up and he loved having heights like a grown-up. It was like he was already big enough to speak to adult and looked like an adult. So, possessing Yani's physical body was like that for him and Heru loved to be pampered by me. And he loved talking to me because I was like his favourite uncle. Then she mentioned that Heru was more tougher than Soni. Soni would cry like a baby when he was not given those things that he wanted. Heru on the other hand, would like to make himself look tough and he would not be happy if they treated him like a child. He disliked his chubby cheeks being pinched lightly by adult spirits as they complimented his cute features.
In the middle of December 1993, Heru told me about the coming Christmas celebration that Gordon, Natalia and the rest had planned for themselves. I felt pleased with this information because I could feel and 'see' that Natalia, Gordon and the rest were happy together like a family and I felt satisfied and happy for them too. So, a few days before Christmas, I told Heru that I wanted to give a present to Natalia. I wrote a note to her on a piece of paper that was the exact size of an Indonesian rupiah currency. It was the only way for me to passed a written note to her because I had thought that if they could make money disappeared and materialised, then they probably could do that if I wrote on a piece of paper.
I wrote,"To Natalia. Though I am not available to see you celebrate the coming Christmas, I am there with you to celebrate Christmas within your heart. I will always be your brother and I will always be there for you whenever you need me. Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year everyone. God Bless All Of You! With All My Love, Your Brother, Mas Robi."
Heru told me to place the note inside a small drawer of a desk in the living room. Then I left it for a few minutes. Yani was in a dazed state of mind. Like staring at something in a distant place. Later when I opened that drawer, the note was gone.
The day after Christmas, Heru came again and said that Kakak's maid, Mbah had helped him to take that piece of paper for him and he had given that note to Natalia. On the night of Christmas, Gordon had read that note near the Christmas Tree to everyone that were present in their home to celebrate Christmas. Heru told me that Natalia's eyes were full of tears when she heard Gordon read my note and all of them clapped their hands after listening to my written note to Natalia.
Then show it to my world and yours,
That we are not nothing.
We have feelings too.
Our Love is like I Love You.
If you wish to know my love,
Then show it to the world
Our love for them too.
We say 'Goodbye' because We must
But that doesn't mean We must.
If you feel me now,
Please forgive me now.
For I came so far to say to you,
I love you and please love life,
The way I love you now.
Prayers of the souls from near you
(The above text is written by automatic writing technique only today and now as I conclude this chapter. You can feel them within your heart and see them within your mind. They are near you.)
Natalia came to meet me in the early period of November just to chat about general matters pertaining to their new home and how they were doing. I was talking to her about the boys and then a thought came to me about the boys' age and also about their birth date. So I told Natalia, "Why not have a birthday celebration and party for Budi, Soni and Heru. I thought about it and I told Natalia to make those boys wondered about having the dates of their birth the same, so that they could celebrate it together and to celebrate it as soon as possible. It was also a good way for them to know their neighbours and a house warming invitation for them. Natalia was very happy with the idea. And the 14th of November, was the birthday celebration for Budi, Soni and Heru. I knew it was good for them to know and experience what it was like to have friends coming over to their birthday party and having numerous friends talking and playing with them.
It was a grand party and it was just like they had wanted. I was very pleased with their birthday celebration and Natalia told me that Gordon had invited all their neighbours and friends to attend the birthday party for the boys. He had specially invited a clown to play and entertaining the children. Budi, Soni and Heru had a great time. They loved meeting children and having them over to play games with their new friends. Natalia told me that the boys had received many presents and Gordon was thrilled to have his friends to celebrate together with him and his family. Margarita, Mas Anton and Ricky were there too to make the occasion more lively and fun for the guests. That was the information I had gathered from Natalia, Margarita, Mas Anton.
The boys were still unavailable for me to talk to for reasons I did not know until one day when Heru told me that they were told by Natalia and Gordon not to disturb Yani and I, because Natalia had told them that Yani and I were too busy and exhausted to talk to them. I found out from Heru too that Natalia had warned them of going to my new home because she did not want Kakak's family to be disturbed by them. They were also afraid of going into my new home because they did not know Kakak's family but they usually walked past outside my house just to peek and see who were or was inside it.
The first time I met Heru in my new home was in the early period of December 1993. Heru said that he had made himself brave to approach Kakak. He narrated to me what he had done and said.
He had knocked on the door and at the same time calling out, 'Permisi! Permisi! (Excuse me! Excuse me)' loudly. Then Kakak opened the door. Then he spoke to her like this,"Permisi. Saya datang untuk berjumpa dengan Om Bi. Boleh nggak?" In English, he said, "Excuse me. I've come to meet my uncle Bi. Can or cannot?" Kakak asked him who he was and he had introduced himself to her and she replied to him, "Oh! Boleh. Kamu boleh jumpa Om kamu" (Oh! Can. You can meet your uncle.)'.
Heru said that Kakak had commented that he looked very cute and she had slightly pinched his chubby cheek. And they became good with each other like a big sister and a little brother. From that day onward, Heru came very often to meet me. Then Budi and Soni came to meet me too. They said that their birthday celebration was very good and they had a wonderful time. They loved receiving presents from their friends. It was their way to thank me for showing my love for them too.
One thing I noticed when I spoke to Heru and Soni, they seemed to have developed their communication skills with me though they sometimes found it hard to express or explain things to me. They seemed to have grown up much faster in their spirit world if compared to the physical world babies and children.
I remembered teaching Heru to nod his head as he listened to the songs or music. He loved that and I also taught Budi, Soni and Heru to raise their hands and sway their hands side to side when they danced. They loved raggae songs and music.
I remembered looking at Soni danced slowly with his legs kicking right to left and left to right. He stepped forward and backward in goodstead. I was happy for him though when he walked, he still had to move slowly. He would bring one foot at a time and then he would move forward. Heru mentioned that when Soni ran slowly, he would skip and sometimes he ran like a horse.
Margarita told me that Heru loved to meet me because he felt like an adult. He liked to be seen like a grown-up and he loved having heights like a grown-up. It was like he was already big enough to speak to adult and looked like an adult. So, possessing Yani's physical body was like that for him and Heru loved to be pampered by me. And he loved talking to me because I was like his favourite uncle. Then she mentioned that Heru was more tougher than Soni. Soni would cry like a baby when he was not given those things that he wanted. Heru on the other hand, would like to make himself look tough and he would not be happy if they treated him like a child. He disliked his chubby cheeks being pinched lightly by adult spirits as they complimented his cute features.
In the middle of December 1993, Heru told me about the coming Christmas celebration that Gordon, Natalia and the rest had planned for themselves. I felt pleased with this information because I could feel and 'see' that Natalia, Gordon and the rest were happy together like a family and I felt satisfied and happy for them too. So, a few days before Christmas, I told Heru that I wanted to give a present to Natalia. I wrote a note to her on a piece of paper that was the exact size of an Indonesian rupiah currency. It was the only way for me to passed a written note to her because I had thought that if they could make money disappeared and materialised, then they probably could do that if I wrote on a piece of paper.
I wrote,"To Natalia. Though I am not available to see you celebrate the coming Christmas, I am there with you to celebrate Christmas within your heart. I will always be your brother and I will always be there for you whenever you need me. Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year everyone. God Bless All Of You! With All My Love, Your Brother, Mas Robi."
Heru told me to place the note inside a small drawer of a desk in the living room. Then I left it for a few minutes. Yani was in a dazed state of mind. Like staring at something in a distant place. Later when I opened that drawer, the note was gone.
The day after Christmas, Heru came again and said that Kakak's maid, Mbah had helped him to take that piece of paper for him and he had given that note to Natalia. On the night of Christmas, Gordon had read that note near the Christmas Tree to everyone that were present in their home to celebrate Christmas. Heru told me that Natalia's eyes were full of tears when she heard Gordon read my note and all of them clapped their hands after listening to my written note to Natalia.
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Three
THE MORTALS & IMMORTALS LIVING TOGETHER
CHANGE
By Changing Your Thinking,
You Change Your Beliefs;
When You Change Your Beliefs,
You Change Your Expectations;
When You Change Your Expectations,
You Change Your Attitude;
When You Change Your Attitude,
You Change Your Behaviour;
When You Change Your Behaviour,
You Change Your Performance;
When You Change Your Performance,
You Change Your Life!
Author Unknown
(I had only recently came across the message written above, pinned up on a notice board, while I was having a tea break in the morning with the staffs on 2nd December 2004. I thought I included this secret message with all of you in this chapter. Thanks.)
In early October 1993, Natalia and Gordon were wishing for a house for themselves. In August 1993, Yani and I had secured a terrace house in Nusa Dua after we had returned from Jakarta. This was done because our house leased for one year in Kuta Permai was going to expire in December 1993. Natalia and Gordon had gone around in the housing estates that Yani and I was going to stay. They wished to stay in the same housing estate where Yani and I lived too. So, we droved around the housing estate and when they saw a house that was to their liking, Natalia would ask me to stop the car. Yani in her altered state of mind and I would wait for them inside the car while they went into that house to see the Spirit or Spirits that had occupied that house. Then finally, Natalia said that they had managed to lease a house in their world and it was about 400 hundred metres away from our house. Natalia showed me where they would be living and the human occupants of that house were Christians too. Gordon, Natalia, Margarita, Mas Anton, Ricky, Budi, Soni and Heru; immediately shifted to their new home at Nusa Dua. After that I did not meet them for a couple of weeks and we were too busy trying to settle our own business preparation. I guessed that they were busy too with their new home.
Yani and I managed to find a place just outside Kuta tourist's district for a small food business. It was located at Jalan Tanjung Sari (now Jalan Plambangan). The money payment for this leased was around Rp3400000 for two years leased, excluding the monthly electricity and water bills. It was a good bargain and it was quite a good location. In front of this long row of small shops complex, there were two prominent buildings. A small hotel called Kompiang Hotel (but now it has been demolished and a small three storey shopping retail outlet stands); and a Buddhist Temple. We sold off our Honda Civic car for more cash to be generated into the business and we bought an old Toyota Crown, 1977 model. It was an old car but it was in very good condition. It cost Rp7000000. We painted the shop and bought the necessary things for the food business. We did not do any renovation because our capital was constrained. We opened our business on 25th October 1993.
Yani and I shifted to our new home in Nusa Dua in the early period of November 1993. Yani, Adi and Lek Mim and I were most of the time busy in operating our small food business. Natalia, Gordon, Margarita, Mas Anton, Ricky, Budi, Soni and Heru seemed to be fading away from our lives and Yani was herself again for a few weeks. We had our own lives to live and they had their own lives to live in their own world.
At our new house at Nusa Dua, which was about 12 kilometres from our shop, there was a spirit couple and they had a daughter. They were Muslim Spirits (Djinns). The daughter called herself as "Kakak" or Sister. Her parents did not want to reveal their names to me according to Margarita and Natalia. They wished to be anonymous. It seemed that they were not in good rapport with my spirit family in the unseen world initially and then later things got well between them. I remembered the first time I met Kakak, while an old contractor was repairing the house extension and painting the house. She came quietly and left quietly but I had sensed her presence and behaviours through Yani. So when I questioned her about her home in her world, whether they had a good home, she was boastful and stuck-up. She said that her house had all the necessary materials that were much better than the things I owned. When I questioned her further about herself and her parents, she remained silent about it. I let her be and she left without saying much. Yani personality returned immediately as though Kakak never possessed her.
The old contractor once had informed me that while he was sleeping at night in our new house, a couple of times he had heard very clearly cryings of a little child. He assured me that it was not his imagination and he was wide awake. When he went to check around the house, there was nobody and later the crying would continue again. I listened to his story but I was not afraid. I was wondering whether there was another spirit that I was not aware of or informed by my spirit family in the unseen realm and this little spirit entity was living in our house. I knew Budi, Soni and Heru were the child spirits and I was wondering why would any of them cried in our new house, because Natalia, Gordon and the rest were taking good care of them in their own home.
Kakak was a teenager spirit and she was studying in SMA (College). I was told by Heru later that Kakak's parents were always not around because they were too busy working in a hotel in Bali but there was an old woman spirit, which Heru called as "Mbah" (Grandmother) that was working as a maid. She was taking care of Kakak and doing the houseworks.
After we had shifted, Margarita met me one day at our new home and told me that Ibu came to see our new house. Ibu had said that it was a nice house and Gordon had informed Natalia that our house was a nice place too. Margarita told me also that she wished to give Yani and I a present for that new house. I had no idea what she meant by that.
The next day, Yani had informed me that she had ordered curtains for the house windows when a curtain salesman had passed by the house. It was quite expensive. I knew Yani did not have so much money left in her wallet or in her bank account, so when I queried about where she got the money to purchase the curtains, she said that the money was in her wallet. She had thought that I had put the money inside her wallet. She was so surprised when I told her that I did not put any cash inside her wallet. She disbelieved me thinking that it was a joke. After that we did not talked about it anymore. Two days later, when I arrived home from the shop, I was so surprised to see the double layered curtains, white and blue, were in placed. It was a beautiful sight to see the windows with nice colours that I felt was very smashing and made the house more lively.
Later Margarita met me and said that she had bought the curtains through Yani as a present for the house. Ibu had helped her to put the money inside Yani's wallet. Margarita was very happy to see her present being appreciated by Yani and I. She said that she loved Yani too because Yani was then already liked a sister to her. Margarita informed me that she was staying with Natalia and the rest. She felt uncomfortable staying in the same house with Yani and I because there were other spirits staying in it but she could visit me once in awhile. And then she left.
CHANGE
By Changing Your Thinking,
You Change Your Beliefs;
When You Change Your Beliefs,
You Change Your Expectations;
When You Change Your Expectations,
You Change Your Attitude;
When You Change Your Attitude,
You Change Your Behaviour;
When You Change Your Behaviour,
You Change Your Performance;
When You Change Your Performance,
You Change Your Life!
Author Unknown
(I had only recently came across the message written above, pinned up on a notice board, while I was having a tea break in the morning with the staffs on 2nd December 2004. I thought I included this secret message with all of you in this chapter. Thanks.)
In early October 1993, Natalia and Gordon were wishing for a house for themselves. In August 1993, Yani and I had secured a terrace house in Nusa Dua after we had returned from Jakarta. This was done because our house leased for one year in Kuta Permai was going to expire in December 1993. Natalia and Gordon had gone around in the housing estates that Yani and I was going to stay. They wished to stay in the same housing estate where Yani and I lived too. So, we droved around the housing estate and when they saw a house that was to their liking, Natalia would ask me to stop the car. Yani in her altered state of mind and I would wait for them inside the car while they went into that house to see the Spirit or Spirits that had occupied that house. Then finally, Natalia said that they had managed to lease a house in their world and it was about 400 hundred metres away from our house. Natalia showed me where they would be living and the human occupants of that house were Christians too. Gordon, Natalia, Margarita, Mas Anton, Ricky, Budi, Soni and Heru; immediately shifted to their new home at Nusa Dua. After that I did not meet them for a couple of weeks and we were too busy trying to settle our own business preparation. I guessed that they were busy too with their new home.
Yani and I managed to find a place just outside Kuta tourist's district for a small food business. It was located at Jalan Tanjung Sari (now Jalan Plambangan). The money payment for this leased was around Rp3400000 for two years leased, excluding the monthly electricity and water bills. It was a good bargain and it was quite a good location. In front of this long row of small shops complex, there were two prominent buildings. A small hotel called Kompiang Hotel (but now it has been demolished and a small three storey shopping retail outlet stands); and a Buddhist Temple. We sold off our Honda Civic car for more cash to be generated into the business and we bought an old Toyota Crown, 1977 model. It was an old car but it was in very good condition. It cost Rp7000000. We painted the shop and bought the necessary things for the food business. We did not do any renovation because our capital was constrained. We opened our business on 25th October 1993.
Yani and I shifted to our new home in Nusa Dua in the early period of November 1993. Yani, Adi and Lek Mim and I were most of the time busy in operating our small food business. Natalia, Gordon, Margarita, Mas Anton, Ricky, Budi, Soni and Heru seemed to be fading away from our lives and Yani was herself again for a few weeks. We had our own lives to live and they had their own lives to live in their own world.
At our new house at Nusa Dua, which was about 12 kilometres from our shop, there was a spirit couple and they had a daughter. They were Muslim Spirits (Djinns). The daughter called herself as "Kakak" or Sister. Her parents did not want to reveal their names to me according to Margarita and Natalia. They wished to be anonymous. It seemed that they were not in good rapport with my spirit family in the unseen world initially and then later things got well between them. I remembered the first time I met Kakak, while an old contractor was repairing the house extension and painting the house. She came quietly and left quietly but I had sensed her presence and behaviours through Yani. So when I questioned her about her home in her world, whether they had a good home, she was boastful and stuck-up. She said that her house had all the necessary materials that were much better than the things I owned. When I questioned her further about herself and her parents, she remained silent about it. I let her be and she left without saying much. Yani personality returned immediately as though Kakak never possessed her.
The old contractor once had informed me that while he was sleeping at night in our new house, a couple of times he had heard very clearly cryings of a little child. He assured me that it was not his imagination and he was wide awake. When he went to check around the house, there was nobody and later the crying would continue again. I listened to his story but I was not afraid. I was wondering whether there was another spirit that I was not aware of or informed by my spirit family in the unseen realm and this little spirit entity was living in our house. I knew Budi, Soni and Heru were the child spirits and I was wondering why would any of them cried in our new house, because Natalia, Gordon and the rest were taking good care of them in their own home.
Kakak was a teenager spirit and she was studying in SMA (College). I was told by Heru later that Kakak's parents were always not around because they were too busy working in a hotel in Bali but there was an old woman spirit, which Heru called as "Mbah" (Grandmother) that was working as a maid. She was taking care of Kakak and doing the houseworks.
After we had shifted, Margarita met me one day at our new home and told me that Ibu came to see our new house. Ibu had said that it was a nice house and Gordon had informed Natalia that our house was a nice place too. Margarita told me also that she wished to give Yani and I a present for that new house. I had no idea what she meant by that.
The next day, Yani had informed me that she had ordered curtains for the house windows when a curtain salesman had passed by the house. It was quite expensive. I knew Yani did not have so much money left in her wallet or in her bank account, so when I queried about where she got the money to purchase the curtains, she said that the money was in her wallet. She had thought that I had put the money inside her wallet. She was so surprised when I told her that I did not put any cash inside her wallet. She disbelieved me thinking that it was a joke. After that we did not talked about it anymore. Two days later, when I arrived home from the shop, I was so surprised to see the double layered curtains, white and blue, were in placed. It was a beautiful sight to see the windows with nice colours that I felt was very smashing and made the house more lively.
Later Margarita met me and said that she had bought the curtains through Yani as a present for the house. Ibu had helped her to put the money inside Yani's wallet. Margarita was very happy to see her present being appreciated by Yani and I. She said that she loved Yani too because Yani was then already liked a sister to her. Margarita informed me that she was staying with Natalia and the rest. She felt uncomfortable staying in the same house with Yani and I because there were other spirits staying in it but she could visit me once in awhile. And then she left.
LIFE - Mind Of A Mankind - Chapter Twenty-Two
SILLY BUT TRUE
"I'm going for business!"
Heru replied to them, whenever they asked him where he was going? ( 1994, Bali)
Margarita came to meet me one day and she asked me again to follow her back to her world. She really wanted to take me to her. She said that she would find someone who could take me to her world because she did not possess that knowledge and she had assured me that she would be there to invite me. That was what she had mentioned to me.
I was feeling miserable with my life as a fugitive and I was actually missing my family in Singapore. Earlier that day I had a misunderstanding with Yani and I felt lonely but not her. She had her brother and aunty living together with us.
I had agreed to Margarita's suggestion and then I lie down on the bed. Margarita went out of the room and a few seconds later came back into the room again. I was waiting for Margarita to lie next to me and held my hand. It was not Margarita's personality but it was a different entity.
This entity had a low hunchback. She walked to my side of the bed and in a low old woman voice she said, "Why must you follow her? Your life now is good here. It's not good for you to follow her." Then she collapsed over me. I tried to wake her up but that entity had already left Yani's body and Yani was unconscious. I carried Yani and put her down to lie next to me. She was breathing normally. Then I took a nap.
I had no idea how long my nap was but I was awakened by Yani who was crying for me not to leave her. I felt very weak and sleepy. I had difficulty waking-up. When I opened up my eyes, I saw that she was crying and apologising to me pertinent to her stubborness and anger towards me that we had earlier on. She really cried and it was not an act. I felt weak and faintly I asked her what was the matter. She thought I had suddenly fell ill and I was dying. Well, I felt warmed and I had a slight headache and maybe a slight temperature too. I told her not to worry about my health and I was alright. She mentioned that if possible she did not want to see me fell ill again because she would be confused and she would not know what to do. She told me that she was trying to wake me up for quite sometimes but I did not open up my eyes. She was really worried for me. While I was napping, I did not recall any dream that I had. Maybe I was really dying huh!
There were no possession for a few days then one day Margarita met me and said this, "Mas Robi, if you follow me to my world, it's as though I've murdered you. Please forgive me." Then she left Yani's body. She never invited me to follow her anymore from that day onward and we never talked about it anymore too.
Mas Anton came to meet me one day and informed me that his sister Nonik and Jean were going home to Jogyakarta to get 'married'. Their parents were willing to accept Jean as their 'son-in-law'. Mas Anton said that he would still remain in Bali. That was the last news I heard from him about Nonik and Jean. I never met Nonik anymore after that news.
I remembered telling Heru that I was angry with Yani. He just listened to me. Then while Yani was asleep, suddenly Yani shouted "Ouch! Ouch!" Two times she shouted but she remained asleep. The first time when she shouted that, her face turned to the left and the second time her face turned to the right. It looked as if she was punched and she seemed to feel the pain too. Heru came on and told me that he had punched Yani for being stubborn and angry. I quickly examined Yani's face but there were no bruises. I felt relieved and softly I scolded Heru never again to do that on Yani. He just smiled at me with the tip of his tongue sticking out and I could sense that he felt guilty for doing that left right combination. In my heart, I was laughing too when I saw his expression. I wondered where Heru had learned that violent action. Maybe too much watching violent movies I guessed.
"I'm going for business!"
Heru replied to them, whenever they asked him where he was going? ( 1994, Bali)
Margarita came to meet me one day and she asked me again to follow her back to her world. She really wanted to take me to her. She said that she would find someone who could take me to her world because she did not possess that knowledge and she had assured me that she would be there to invite me. That was what she had mentioned to me.
I was feeling miserable with my life as a fugitive and I was actually missing my family in Singapore. Earlier that day I had a misunderstanding with Yani and I felt lonely but not her. She had her brother and aunty living together with us.
I had agreed to Margarita's suggestion and then I lie down on the bed. Margarita went out of the room and a few seconds later came back into the room again. I was waiting for Margarita to lie next to me and held my hand. It was not Margarita's personality but it was a different entity.
This entity had a low hunchback. She walked to my side of the bed and in a low old woman voice she said, "Why must you follow her? Your life now is good here. It's not good for you to follow her." Then she collapsed over me. I tried to wake her up but that entity had already left Yani's body and Yani was unconscious. I carried Yani and put her down to lie next to me. She was breathing normally. Then I took a nap.
I had no idea how long my nap was but I was awakened by Yani who was crying for me not to leave her. I felt very weak and sleepy. I had difficulty waking-up. When I opened up my eyes, I saw that she was crying and apologising to me pertinent to her stubborness and anger towards me that we had earlier on. She really cried and it was not an act. I felt weak and faintly I asked her what was the matter. She thought I had suddenly fell ill and I was dying. Well, I felt warmed and I had a slight headache and maybe a slight temperature too. I told her not to worry about my health and I was alright. She mentioned that if possible she did not want to see me fell ill again because she would be confused and she would not know what to do. She told me that she was trying to wake me up for quite sometimes but I did not open up my eyes. She was really worried for me. While I was napping, I did not recall any dream that I had. Maybe I was really dying huh!
There were no possession for a few days then one day Margarita met me and said this, "Mas Robi, if you follow me to my world, it's as though I've murdered you. Please forgive me." Then she left Yani's body. She never invited me to follow her anymore from that day onward and we never talked about it anymore too.
Mas Anton came to meet me one day and informed me that his sister Nonik and Jean were going home to Jogyakarta to get 'married'. Their parents were willing to accept Jean as their 'son-in-law'. Mas Anton said that he would still remain in Bali. That was the last news I heard from him about Nonik and Jean. I never met Nonik anymore after that news.
I remembered telling Heru that I was angry with Yani. He just listened to me. Then while Yani was asleep, suddenly Yani shouted "Ouch! Ouch!" Two times she shouted but she remained asleep. The first time when she shouted that, her face turned to the left and the second time her face turned to the right. It looked as if she was punched and she seemed to feel the pain too. Heru came on and told me that he had punched Yani for being stubborn and angry. I quickly examined Yani's face but there were no bruises. I felt relieved and softly I scolded Heru never again to do that on Yani. He just smiled at me with the tip of his tongue sticking out and I could sense that he felt guilty for doing that left right combination. In my heart, I was laughing too when I saw his expression. I wondered where Heru had learned that violent action. Maybe too much watching violent movies I guessed.
